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What would you think

(13 Posts)
Whysthat Tue 28-Feb-17 17:09:52

Imagine you are in a failing relationship, been absolutely shocking for months, hardly spoken and can hardly be in the same room as each other.
You suddenly realise that the oh has changed the way in which they reply to messages, using words such as , abuse, harassing, abusive, suddenly a lack of swear words and reprimands you for using a swear word.
Would your alarm bells be ringing?

helpme12335 Tue 28-Feb-17 17:22:28

Are there children involved?

Whysthat Tue 28-Feb-17 17:25:59

Yeah there are

helpme12335 Tue 28-Feb-17 17:27:49

Probably yes, would custody be an issue if you split up? I would be very careful what you put in texts and if they put anything which wasn't true I would make sure I challenged it or said that's not the case.

RaisinsAndApple Tue 28-Feb-17 17:46:47

I'd stop texting probably, but do remember that someone writing something in a text does not make it legally true. It proves nothing but that they wrote it. What you write on the other hand, you could be hung by, so.

WeeMcBeastie Tue 28-Feb-17 18:02:26

Yes! My ex does this but in a more devious manner. He phones and is vile to me (usually for no obvious reason at all) then he hangs up after making some kind of threat and refusing to let me speak so I resort to texting him. I'm very fiery so it doesn't take much to wind me up and I stupidly respond. I've since been told that he's showing these text messages to others to prove how horrible his exw is and to get sympathy from the ow etc. I've toned down my replies slightly and am always careful not to say anything that could be used against me just in case. To be honest though I don't care what his ow and people who have never met me think of me. He has always found it difficult to sustain any friendships as he can't keep up the 'nice guy' pretence for long anyway. I won't apologise for calling him a cunt because he is one! grin I have no doubt that ow will find that out soon too!
She must be really stupid to believe that a father who refuses to give his own teenage dd a Christmas present because she owed him £20 is a decent guy. (He spent £200 on other dd) hmm Of course, they want nothing to do with him because I've been poisoning their minds against him... hmm
He probably does have an ulterior motive so make sure you are as polite and civil (as possible) only stating facts.

Whysthat Tue 28-Feb-17 20:02:53

I'm not surprised your dd's want nothing to do with him.
Looks like I need to do my own homework and see what options I would have. It would appear to be a story of two tails, the one in writing and the one in person

Wingsofdesire Tue 28-Feb-17 20:15:01

The wind-up and then using your reaction one way or the other is standard devious bastardly behaviour. So yes, be careful.

Forgettheworld Tue 28-Feb-17 20:23:54

My ex used to do this, he'd say something in person and be really aggressive and abusive, shouting in my face, then his texts were always written in proper English and so polite, straight to the point. I knew something was wrong, then not long after I got a letter saying he wanted full custody of our DS! He never got it I won, but in his mind he obviously wanted to look the perfect father while I looked like an unstable psycho texting rambling upset texts. My solicitor told me not to text and just call and only ever discuss him seeing our DS

Whysthat Tue 28-Feb-17 23:05:22

Looks like I'll have to use my mother safe responses for him too.

abbsisspartacus Wed 01-Mar-17 07:47:19

Yes my ex does this I usually reply with things like please don't threaten me I don't feel safe with you having the children when your like this etc etc throws it back at him he can't use it against me then plus I list all the things he has said before replying

MusicIsMedicine Wed 01-Mar-17 10:06:33

Brilliant sparticus

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess Wed 01-Mar-17 10:24:08

Totally agree with Spartacus:in fact, if you can refrain from replying to texts at all, so much the better. Never type anything you wouldn't want a third party to read. He's trying to trick you into saying something regrettable - don't play the game!

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