Because I don't know if I'm normal.
I have two children aged 4 and 1 and I absolutely adore them. I want their days with me to be varied, interesting and loving. I am a SAHM by choice and this is a recent decision. My children are very loving and well behaved and fun. Not many tantrums from the older one and the baby is not especially clingy like his sister was, unless he is ill.
It's just that i find the days very long and completely knackering. I am constantly busy with them and the house and don't have chance to sit down. The most relaxing part of each day is if I drive us somewhere and can drink a take out coffee in the car. I want them to eat varied and healthy food but the littlest only likes toast and anything carby at the mo; chips, Yorkshire puds, fish fingers, cake, raisins, altho he will eat peas, banana and apple. I'm good at doing organised tasks with my eldest (sound like Monica from friends) eg painting, crafting, bracelet making, baking, reading. But I'm shit at pretend play. And she always wants me to join in. I try my best but feel so distracted by the stuff that needs doing (cleaning, washing, cooking, changing bums, going somewhere) that I think I let her down.
I am not fun. I am worn out and boring.
My littlest has just started nursery one day a week, so I have one day a week that is my own and I feel tremendous guilt. We haven't said I'm never going back to work so feel like I should be doing something great like training or writing a book but all I want to do is read and nap. And not get up off the sofa for q few hours. But at the same time I miss them terribly and feel depressed by the silence.
I keep thinking, when I was at work I found parts of the day boring, tedious, stressful and if it's OK to look forward to going home or lunch break at work, surely it's ok to look forward to nap time or bedtime at home? But I feel so guilty. I chose to stay at home with them and I should jolly well enjoy every second and stop feeding them fish fingers and saying 'in a minute darling'.
I love them so much but I am just so tired, and lots of the time, bored. I have jobs to do, namely making several meals a day for them and my husband when he gets in, but there's not much fun in them.
My favourite parts are cuddling them, watching a film together, going out to see friends with them, swimming, either an activity or a cuddly time.
Am I normal or am I depressed? I do feel quite down and tearful about it. Being so torn between adoring them and tearing my hair out with frustration. And 95% guilt at all times. It's exhausting.
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How do you honestly feel about being a mum to young children?
1wokeuplikethis · 28/02/2017 14:05
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