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AIBU...? Help me discuss this without a row

(2 Posts)
Suspendersformybelief Tue 28-Feb-17 09:30:31

ExH and I co-parent DD (5) reasonably well. We have our issues but generally we sort them out and run smoothly. He is very involved, she loves her dad and they spend two nights a week together plus another half day/afternoon.

The thing we most often argue about is the days he has her. He is a freelancer so his hours are erratic and he often works weekends. He'll generally send me a list of dates 4 weeks in advance for me to agree. I'd say he sticks to those dates 90% of the time. Generally, it doesn't matter to me, I'm around anyway, sometimes it does because I've arranged to work away from home myself, and that's when we usually fall out.

This life-style was fine when she was at nursery but when she started school, I asked him to make his time with her more consecutive. It was flexible, he didn't have to have the same two nights every week, but I said where possible his nights should be together.

She'd said herself she didn't like going back and to and I noticed a change in her behaviour when the schedule was too choppy. (eg she'd be with dad Wednesday or Thursday and Saturday 10am-Sunday 10am and Monday after school until 6pm)

For while, he stuck to it, and had her for two nights together. I noticed a difference in her straight away. Happy to come home, happy to go to his.
When she was unsettled, I used to have to leave her to her own devices for an hour after she got home. She'd be moody and rude and quite cheeky.

DD is on the whole such a good girl, one of those kids that make older people tell you she'll be a nightmare when she's a teenager because she's so sweet now. So this other behaviour was really out of character.

He's started slipping back into spreading his time with her out. When we discuss it, it's because of his work, he can't help it. He's very sensitive to me trying to reduce his time with her. I'm not. There's nothing I'd love more then for her to be at home all the time obvs, but I am not trying to do that.

She came home last night and was moody and argumentative. It's not her and it makes me feel like she is unsettled and I don't think it's fair.

He doesn't believe it. Thinks I'm looking for problems.

Does anybody have any experience with this or know any ways to explain why she behaves in this way?
I feel I need to justify my concerns. I think it's fair enough if he can't do two consecutive nights every week but if that's the case, he should just leave it to one night, rather than insisting on his slice. He should make the sacrifice not her...?

Or am I being unreasonable?

Suspendersformybelief Tue 28-Feb-17 09:32:41

Can't believe I said "obvs"! Sorry about that.

Please take me seriously as a grown up human being though!

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