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Why do I do this?

(6 Posts)
explainthistome Mon 27-Feb-17 16:31:46

Things have come to a head recently between me and my dh. I very nearly ended our marriage and was really angry at his treatment of me over the years. He has persuaded me to give things another go and I have agreed albeit reluctantly.
What I can't understand about my behaviour though is this. I went from being furious with him and myself. Absolutely positive about wanting to break up one day (with very good reasons that I won't go into on this thread) and then shortly after resuming sexual relations with him. I have gone from having a fairly low libido to the other end of the spectrum. I have been taking the lead (something I rarely do) and even pushing myself to offer to do more erm, things that I wouldn't normally be up for. Why am I doing this? Is there something in me that wants to show him what he'd be missing if we split? Is it a bit of a honeymoon period after a near separation? I'm actually a bit confused about my own behaviour to be honest.
I think i'm going to seek out some counselling for myself to make sense of it but was wondering if anyone has gone through this after a turbulent time?

AnyFucker Mon 27-Feb-17 16:33:10

Hysterical bonding ?

ImperialBlether Mon 27-Feb-17 16:34:43

It's hysterical bonding. I wish to god I'd known about it years ago. I felt like I was going mad.

explainthistome Mon 27-Feb-17 16:38:27

That's it though Imperial. I feel like i'm not myself. Like i'm a bit lost in my own head. I'll go and look up hysterical bonding now. Thanks.

explainthistome Mon 27-Feb-17 16:42:24

Shit. I've only read one or two articles. This seems to be explaining what's happening to me. There was no infidelity though which seems to trigger this in some women. So why? sad

pudding21 Mon 27-Feb-17 16:58:09

I understand where you are. I have been through this, partly I think it is to show your value probably because you feel so low with mistreatment (you don't go into this but is he EA??), and partly because you need that closeness to someone who essentially you love but he isn't treating you the same.

Its a bit like when people have lots of one night stands, its like a need thing. Or of course it could be the hysterical bonding. I always hoped he would treat me better the more sex we had, it worked short term, but not longer term.

Good luck .

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