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Was I actually ever in love?

(2 Posts)
Lilipops Mon 27-Feb-17 15:29:03

I have been married to my husband 12 years this year and we have been together for 18 years. We have two children, a daughter aged 9 and a son who is nearly 11. I do remember when we first we're together he made me laugh but for a while now we have been drifting apart. We barely ever talk to each other and we are more like colleagues than a married couple. We live very seperate lives, I do a lot with our daughter and he does more with our son which is horrible for me as I feel I don't see enough of my son at the weekends. We occasionally do things as a family, which I am happy to do, and we went bowling last weekend. This was nice, but I still really struggle to get him to interact with me, I try to engage in conversation, but he spends a lot of his time on the phone and I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.
I cannot remember the last time we kissed or touched each other. He does like to have sex with me, but there is no love involved in it. I say no when I can but he takes it as me rejecting him, but he doesn't understand that I just feel used when I don't think it's something he is doing because he loves me. It feels like he is just fulfilling a need, and I am conveniently there.
He doesn't help in the house at all, I do all the housework, washing, kids homework, cooking etc and he spends most of the weekend on the sofa watching the television. I am finding this very frustrating as I'm a very active outdoors person. He never offers to help with anything. I also work, I work two 12 hour night shifts a week, so that I can be around during the week for the kids and we don't need any additional childcare.
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get him to talk to me and I don't know whether to leave him. I'm sure this isn't a normal marriage and I don't know if I would ever find anyone to else to be with. I also don't know if I might just be better off on my own. We seem so different now, I just don't recognise him as the person I married.
Has anyone else been in this situation? Have you left and ended up happier in the long run?

hellsbellsmelons Mon 27-Feb-17 17:44:47

Would he be open to couples counselling?
Sounds like he's checked out.
Is the phone thing new-ish?

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