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DP's sense of humour.

(27 Posts)
MoominMamma3 Mon 27-Feb-17 11:27:04

This isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things but does anyone else have a DP like this?

I think I'm fairly laid back but DP's sense of humour makes me so annoyed at times. I feel like literally everything I say, he responds with joke - usually about me.

He says his family tease each other all the time and it's just what he's used to but honestly now it's just tiring and puts me off talking to him. I've told him this and he said he'd try not do it but he still does! I feel like he lives to wind me up.

Anyone relate to this?

Dahlietta Mon 27-Feb-17 13:39:38

This isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things

It would be a big deal in my grand scheme of things. He sounds boring.

RatherBeRiding Mon 27-Feb-17 13:46:05

No I don't have a DP like this - nor would I, it sounds absolutely draining - but I've known men like this and frankly I just want to slap them. A bit of joking around is fun, when both parties think it's fun, but if all you want is some serious conversation and all you get is laddish banter then it's frustrating.

And if he knows you don't like it but does it anyway, then I'd find that worrying.

SaltySeaDog72 Mon 27-Feb-17 13:48:19

It sounds like a very big deal. Sense of humour is a big thing in terms of compatibility.

How long have you been together?

virgospirit Mon 27-Feb-17 13:51:59

what kind of jokes are they, does he belittle you? could you give us a few examples perhaps?

Bluntness100 Mon 27-Feb-17 13:55:25

My husband does a bit of this, jokes at other people's expense. However he friggen hates to be on the receiving end, so learning by trial and error that's how I stop it in it's tracks, I simply do the same back. Any other way to get him to stop fails, it's all "it's just a joke". Which is true till it's just a joke about him, then it's not so funny any more and it's offensive apparently.

So for me, that's the way to handle it. If he makes jokes at your expense, just do the same to him. They soon learn if they don't want it to happen they have to stop first.

Balonder Mon 27-Feb-17 14:00:49

My FIL is like this and I can't bear to be around him. Sorry, that's no help but I feel your pain. I just disengage when he starts but it has made me really dislike him when he is a very nice, kind widower.

debbs77 Mon 27-Feb-17 14:08:21

My ex was like this to me. When he started doing it to my children (not his), that was the end for me x

MoominMamma3 Mon 27-Feb-17 14:43:22

We have been together a while but have been very good friends for many years before. He is brilliant with the kids. No issues there.

He did this when we were friends but I stupidly thought it might be different when we were a couple. I suppose I played along with it back then but I'm older now and so is he. I'm happy with him otherwise but this puts a dampener on things. It's usually when I'm excited to show him something I've done or going to do and he just makes a sarcastic remark. He has a real problem apologising because he says I shouldn't take offence when he clearly loves me and wouldn't intentionally upset me. Even though I've made it crystal clear it does upset me!

DearMrDilkington Mon 27-Feb-17 14:45:05

What sort of thing does he say?

ZorbaTheHoarder Mon 27-Feb-17 15:06:09

This is bullying and he is doing it deliberately to belittle you. Please don't feel you have to put up with it. It is so obvious that he wouldn't like it if you did it to him. Just tell him you have had enough - you don't find it funny and you won't put up with it any more.

It IS a big deal, because it shows a complete lack of respect for you.
You know when a joke is well-meant and his clearly aren't.

StormZelda Mon 27-Feb-17 15:08:29

I stopped dating a guy because he hid behind humour (imo) so I don't think it's a small thing.

Nellyphants Mon 27-Feb-17 15:10:31

He doesn't get to decide what upsets you. You own your feelings. You've him that this hurts & upsets you, that you want him to stop hurting you.

He's saying your feelings don't matter. His childish spite is more important than you.

You can't find the 'right' words to get through to him. He just doesn't care.

virgospirit Mon 27-Feb-17 15:31:54

^ It's usually when I'm excited to show him something I've done or going to do and he just makes a sarcastic remark.^

yep he's belittling you to make himself feel better.

expatinscotland Mon 27-Feb-17 15:37:50

It's not his 'sense of humour', it's belittling and bullying. It's a big deal and he minimises it. You have already started tempering your own way of speaking with him because of it.

MrsDustyBusty Mon 27-Feb-17 15:40:39

You just get this wave of dismay when you see a fresh thread about a partner's sense of humour.

He needs to cut this out. If he loves you and cares about how you feel, he will.

SmellySphinx Mon 27-Feb-17 15:52:06

To me this seems to be a confidence issue - his.

You say his family do it to each other all the time? Well my best guess is that's where it stems from.
EVRRYTHING is a laugh and a joke but it's all about oneupmanship, it's veiled as jokey but secretly they are all trying to get one over on each other. Cue much PA behaviour and so on. It's draining, boring and tiresome, it's a habit he needs to get out of. He can play the "I'm better than you" jokey back biting game when he is with his family. At home, there's no need for it. You love and respect each other and take as you find, no competition needed he really has to cut it out before you do something drastic.

SmellySphinx Mon 27-Feb-17 15:52:34

I don't have a husband or oartner like this, never have but my hunch is that ^

SmellySphinx Mon 27-Feb-17 15:53:16


HecateAntaia Mon 27-Feb-17 15:53:17

by tease do you mean nasty comments that make you feel small?

CheersMedea Mon 27-Feb-17 17:03:38

he responds with joke - usually about me.
He says his family tease each other all the time

This is classic bullying I'm afraid and is very often a precusor or indicator of emotional abuse.

"What do you think of this dress on me DH?"
"Is SeaWorld missing a whale?"
"That's not very nice."
"Aw! Come on babe. I'm only teasing you! You are too sensitive."

Minimising your reaction by dismissing it as teasing is bullying. Exactly how bad it is (whether it is tolerable or into emotional abuse) depends on the kind of things he is saying - anything that's just mucking around and properly a joke that is not directly attacking or undermining you maybe tolerable; anything that is directly insulting you will be on a scale of seriousness.

joystir59 Mon 27-Feb-17 17:30:20

My bil does this to my sil all the time. Me and my oh cringe when we are in their company. He never stops with the 'joky' (insulting and belittling) 'banter)' (belittling verbal abuse). He will also talk louder than her and talk over her. We try to interview e but really feel we need to talk alone with her about it and get her to stand up to him. I get the feeling she is beyond caring tbh, and we secretly hope she is having an affair. He is a pain and a pillock

joystir59 Mon 27-Feb-17 17:30:58

Intervene not interview!

Matchstickbox Mon 27-Feb-17 20:39:27

My Dh has recently starter to do this and it's really pissing me off.
I'm only joking is fast becoming my most hated phrase.
I call him up on it and now I get "oh can't even have a laugh in this house" but it's really starting to hurt me so I feel for you op.

HumphreyCobblers Mon 27-Feb-17 20:58:07

Does he do it to the kids too?

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