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Partner

(6 Posts)
babayjane67 Mon 27-Feb-17 09:59:38

Hi
Don't really know where to start.so could be a long post sorry!
I've been with my dp for 10 yrs& we have an 8yr old dd.I also have 2 adult dds that live away.
I don't know if any of this is emotional abuse or any sort of abuse or I'm just reading more into things.
He's never been very talkative.can be quite grumpy at times& unreasonable with things sometimes. Like he doesn't want our dd to eat too much chocolate(though we both eat it ourselves& he eats biscuits like they're going out of fashion!)he's not fat quite the opposite in fact.he's very skinny,doesn't eat veg or fruit at all much really.very fussy eater.dd is similar with food although not as bad.
When we do food shop in a Sat I will say let's but some choc first tonight to watch TV. So he gets stroppy/gives me the silent treatment.I get it anyway.BUT it's fine for him on another occasion to buy her a big jar of choc spread to eat!(no one else eata it!)plus if they're on offer buy a box of cocoa pops too!I said no to that last time as we already had the spread at home she hadn't started!he's also weighed her behind my back.I found out about it&went mad at him!was not happy at all!she's got a bigger build than his family.she's more like mine.it's not like she doesn't do much.she swims,does gym,brownies&choir.plus the usual pe sessions at school.
Also im pretty sure he makes faces&hand gestures behind my back.I actually caught him doing it once when we were talking not arguing as we don't really argue just talking.I pulled him up on it&he didn't really say anything.the other day I think he put his v up to me then pretended he was fiddling with his face when he knew Id seen.
Also he's hard to talk to about anything.when I've tried in the past to talk about our relationship he either puts it off if I give him notice to do it or if I actually pin him down to talk he gets straight on the defensive&throws it bk on me!
He won't listen talks over me,won't admit he's in the wrong about anything.doesn't take any responsibility that some of the fault lies with him as well as me.
He's very good with our dd.she loves him to bits&is a real daddy's girl.always been more for him than me really.
He's a hard worker.does extra hrs as much as he can.I work pt but have been off the last couple of wks with depression.
It all sounds like petty stuff really.he's got better than he used to be.
We never go out just as a couple very rarely.we do go out as a family sometimes.if HE wants to go somewhere do something that's fine but if it's something I want to do he doesn't usually wanna do it a lot of the time.or if I suggest something to do on a trip we are doing he pooh poohs it for some reason cuz HE doesn't wanna do it.
I don't know! I mean just ruling now trying to think of everything so I'm not drip feeding!
Sorry it's long.thanks if you've read this far

Pocketsaviour Mon 27-Feb-17 10:11:19

Nothing you've described here sounds abusive, it just sounds as if you don't like each other very much.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 27-Feb-17 10:50:31

I think he's very disrespectful of you.
I make gestures behind my ExP back but that's because he's a wanker and I hate him.
If you love someone you just don't do that.
It also sounds like this relationship is not good for your mental health.

babayjane67 Mon 27-Feb-17 11:06:30

He was very good when I had a major op last yr.he took first wk off to look after me.did everything. Then after that worked on reduced hrs so he was home more.he's been supportive with me going through depression at mo.
I don't know praps I am reading more into things then.
He rarely says thanks for anything even a meal i cook for us all.never makes his own sandwiches for work.if I don't do them he goes without but then if I ask him what he had he always says there was nothing that he liked so he just had a choc bar or nothing all day!
Even when I was recovering from op he would do our dds sandwiches but not his own!
He will wash& wipe up on a Sat morn or when he's on hol but won't do it during a working wk in the eve.not even doing it together. It's all left to me to do next day!I've tried asking him in the past&he acts like ive aked him to cut his right arm off!even said quite nastily yea love u do that! When I've said I think I'm gonna wash these pots up tonight.
He puts dd to bed most every night.I rarely do it.she prefers him to.
4yrs ago when my aunty died,it was down to my older dds,my sister&myself to sort out everything in her bungalow.
My friend would pk our dd up from school take her bk to hers til dp came home which wasn't late.she told me he moaned at her saying I don't know why I've gotta do this!
I don't know!
Praps I'm just babbling due to the way I feel at mo?

babayjane67 Mon 27-Feb-17 12:41:32

We don't share same sense of humour really either.I can be laughing my head off at something on the tv turn round to look at him& he's just sat there looking miserable& as if to say wtf are u laughing at!?
I duno I'm very up& down about what he's like& have been fired a while.we kind of just plod along as normal& the days wks months go by.
I did say to him the other day about us needing to talk more& he said what about?he started to go into defensive mode as usual but then I said I'm not having a go or anything just trying to talk as adults about it.we just need to talk more!he was OK that night& one after making conversation trying to make jokes etc but then a after that it's more or less gone bk to normal.me sitting on one sofa watching tv him on the other sofa on the laptop.some nights we barely say more than one word to each other.
I'm really not meaning to drip feed just the more I'm thinking about it the more things I'm remembering.
A couple of yrs ago things were quite bad& I thought to myself he's a much better parent than me& dd has always been more of a daddy's girl so I will just leave& let them get on with it.it would be better.
I still think he's the better parent most of the time.though if they're play fighting or tickling& she tells him to stop he doesn't! I very told him he has to if she asks him to.as what's she gonna learn fie the future? T hat u can say no all u like but it won't make any difference whoever it is will still carry on!
Also he thinks he's always right& if they're talking about something& they're trying to find an answer or something he will blurt it out& keep on even though she's still trying to think of it.I tell him to shut up&let her think!

babayjane67 Mon 27-Feb-17 17:47:48

Thanks to the people who have replied.writing it all down is proving quite cathartic really.

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