Just as the title says really. I am generally very independent, rarely need support etc but sometimes I do and DH doesn't give it. I find this increasingly difficult. He isn't very demonstrative in any way really-doesn't say love you unless prompted or over text, sex a few times a week but NEVER initiated by him, doesn't do compliments or support for eg;if i am doubting my skills or abilities in something never says 'you are capable' etc, never offers an opinion on things I ask him about. But I have sort of just taken it as 'this is him, you can't change him, change your expectations' and muddled along well for the past decade.
However, in recent years I have had moments of my resolve cracking. I was abused by a family member as a child. It's cut me up inside and affected me in ways I don't like to admit to. Often I can forget about it for months at a time but sometimes I get incredibly upset about it. I was also assaulted and raped twice in my teens by different people. All these things are my secrets. I still have to see the family member who abused me. I can't tell my family. I can't talk about it. Same goes for the rapes. Some very close friends know bits but DH knows all.
The problem is I get no support from him when I am struggling. I can be next to him in tears and I have to ask him for a hug. He never offers reassurance. Doesn't say anything. The past two nights I have lay in bed and cried and got nothing. Last night I tried to open up about it and said I feel really down and angry about it, that I had cried on my drive home and that I feel so lonely with it all. I got nothing. I asked him for a cuddle and he lay an arm across me. So I just lay and cried and he went to sleep.
This morning I have called in sick, I can't face getting out of bed. When he brought DD in I said 'I feel so low. I don't think I can face work' and got teary. No response. He finished getting dressed and said bye.
Am I being too sensitive in my expectations? Maybe I have spent so long being strong he doesn't know what to do? I understand it's awkward and nobody wants to talk about these things. But what do I do. I tried a counselling session but it was me just talking and the counsellor said nothing. I needed some answers and help to work through it after 20 odd years but that wasn't their approach.
Does he not love me do you think? He has struggled with mood in the past and I have been incredibly supportive. I had mental health problems from a kid and had a bout of anxiety around 2 years ago. I think in the end with that he got a bit fed up. I managed to sort it out on my own though without medical help. I haven't been on medication for around 10 years and I haven't felt I needed to. But sometimes I can't be strong and need his support. I don't really know what to do. We are also expecting again.
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16 replies
WellieWanger · 27/02/2017 08:18
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