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What to do? Confused to stay or go

(7 Posts)
Mummyb2101 Sun 26-Feb-17 23:55:55

I am very confused. I live with my partner and have a 5 year old daughter together. When I was pregnant with my daughter a lot of things happenEd. He was never around, he moved house a bit further than I lived and he became distant and was always talking about the bad things I did nothing good. I caught him on a dating website were we met when I was 7 months pregnant looking for a girlfriend and another bombshell I discovered around the same time he had a wife and 3 kids living somewhere and he denied when I asked him and then he said he was not with her anymore and out of the 3 children only 1 is his. When we argue he can go for 2 weeks or more without talking to me now 5 years later. I discovered some pictures last year when he had gone to to see the 1 daughter he claims is his, they went for a photo shoot with ex wife and took picture with kids and there were other 2 where himself and his wife had taken together with him with him holding her waist and with their heads together. When i confronted him he said he was doing it for the kids etc. I'm now getting pissed and I think he is still with his so called ex wife and a lot of things have happened over the years and I have lost my hair due to stress and I'm only 29. He lies a lot, I want to get a mortgage and he seems not to be interested in saving up with me. He works day and nights on weekends and he works all the nights and I had to beg him for a day off a few months ago which he started having Monday night off. He is not interested in paying bills if allowed.he dont buy clothes for our daughter. I do the food shopping. I rely on friends to help me with childcare and they are very good. I'm at the verge of finishing this relationship off for good.. I nearly finished off with him 3 weeks ago and we dont speak much. My daughter don't ask much about him when he is not here on weekends and she even said once I look after her more than her dad. I don't know if I should just pack my bags and run away with my daughter. I don't know what to do.. all the trauma I have suffered all these years with him. My question is what would anyone in this situation do. I'm confused

IrregularCommentary Mon 27-Feb-17 00:00:33

Bloody hell. Leave.

Finola1step Mon 27-Feb-17 00:01:26

From what you have described, he is still very much married. All the working long hours, never around at weekends etc.

Grab your chance and run. Do you have family who would help you?

KarmaNoMore Mon 27-Feb-17 00:03:38

You can't love who you can't trust. What is he doing for you and your DD?

I think you would be much better without him. No need to worry about who he is with, the lies or paying for his bills/food.

KarmaNoMore Mon 27-Feb-17 00:05:43

And agree, he seems to be still married. He may have an "arrangement" with his wife but hat doesn't mean you are expected to abide by it. If you want monogamia, it seems you may need to find it somewhere else.

mamakena Mon 27-Feb-17 00:55:19

Leave, and sue for child maintenance. You have lots to live for and look forward to without this loser dragging you down.

scoobydoo1971 Mon 27-Feb-17 02:23:32

Don't get a mortgage with him! He might not even be able to if he still has one at another address. That is the last thing you want or need anyway...he is working all hours but doesn't pay his way? Working nights? Are you sure he isn't with the other family, or someone else? I had a work colleague years ago who was married to a doctor 'on call' and it turned out he had another family and kids about 15 miles down the road! It went on for years until one of his colleagues told her. Dreadful situation.

There is some wisdom in that old saying that people will treat you badly if you let them...you don't trust him, he sulks, you don't think much of his parenting, you know he has a history of cheating/ trying to. Why stay in a terrible situation, especially when your child will grow up thinking this is 'normal'?

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