Opinion. Make up on the bedside table

[Stupendouslyshit]

Been seeing him 18 months.

Went over on the Friday night, didn't stay over - my choice.

Stayed on the Saturday instead. Woke on Sunday morning and the first thing that came into focus was a concealer stick on his dressing table. I hadn't noticed it Friday despite being in the bedroom.

His explanation was it was found in an old jacket pocket and itvwas from about 4 years ago. But I've never known a man scratching 50 use concealer to cover a bad spot - I decided to accept the explanation and be a bit cautious about trusting him fully.

Last night at dinner, he deliberately caused an argument and despite me saying I didn't like the direction the conversation was going, he prodded until he got the full aggro he wanted. I was accused of not trusting him and monitoring him on FB - because I pointed out he ignored a message for 3 hours - and that related to finishing a phone call he'd started and then his battery went dead, yet I could see he was active.

Went over today to try to resolve last nights horrible argument and he's saying he needs time to calm down and reflect after a disappointing evening - 3/4 of the evening we're loving and bloody glorious.

Am I stupid?

I think I am and I suspect the argument last night was to get space for the concealer stick owner tonight with no calls.

It's driving me crazy. To the point where I'm starting to want to drive over there just to bloody catch him at it and know that I was right.

But of course, I could be very very wrong.

I'm sure the relationship is done - he has lied and does lie. But, I'd love some proper proof.

Help...

[Holly3434]

Men do use concealer sometimes maybe he's embarrassed did it look old stuff? As after 4 years I'd think it would be semi hard stuff

[Whocares2017]

It could be his. But it sounds as if you don't trust him anyway.

[Holly3434]

If he was cheating this is IF then he's very careless to leave it there,if you think its over go round there see for yourself once and for all for closure but watching him for 3hrs on Facebook makes you seem needy and clearly don't trust him

[Stupendouslyshit]

Thanks Holly. It did look a bit crap. It wasn't a branded one. I didn't get a proper look at it. Just calmly asked why was it there.

He the next day went into a big explanation that he thought I was going to think he'd had other women staying over in his sister's house and of course, he'd never do that as she wouldn't take it etc.

I really didn't go on about it.

He is incredibly vain - so I accepted his explanation.

[ElspethFlashman]

To be fair, men certainly do use concealer sticks. They just don't talk about it. But they have discolouration they dislike just like everyone else.

Why were you bothered he ignored a message for 3 hrs? I often ignore messages if I'm busy. I don't expect aggro about it. I'd have been less than impressed if you'd thrown that at me.

[Stupendouslyshit]

I didn't watch him on FB for 3 hours!

Just expected him to call back and noticed he had been.

You're right - I don't trust him totally. Not after this and a couple of lies.

[OnionKnight]

If you don't trust him, ditch him.

[Stupendouslyshit]

But ok.

I accept, I'm clearly very wrong.

I know men do use concealer - I just didn't have him down as the type that would.

[JustSpeakSense]

You obviously don't trust him. TBH you sound a bit paranoid. Perhaps you gave good reason and he is a liar.
Just break up with him, relationships cannot last with this level of distrust.

[Stupendouslyshit]

I've tried to ditch him a couple of times and he's made very determined efforts to keep us together.

I've taken this as a good sign, but his lies are tiresome, the concealer threw me,

He doesn't actually trust me which is bloody irksome given the way he goes about things.

But yes. Without trust, it's pretty fucked and right now, I am questioning everything.

[MrsChopper]

If you have any doubts go over there tonight to see for yourself. But yes, some men use concealer and may feel a bit embarrassed about it.

[Holly3434]

You just said he's vain, then said you don't have him down as this type. Confusing, but its concealer if it was a woman this would be the first product she's going to apply so would put it back in her bag in theory before getting the foundation if you think about it.

[JustSpeakSense]

What sort of lies has he told you?

I would say distrusting you is a bit of a red flag, often reflects their own behaviour.

[pictish]

I'd be driving over there to see what's what. I hate being made a mug of so I'd have to check it out.

If you're wrong you're wrong but you won't know unless you find out.

[OnionKnight]

It's not that difficult to ditch somebody, I find that fuck off and leave me alone works wonders.

[Stupendouslyshit]

Good point on the make up application - concealer first!

He's vain with his hair, his clothes. He's full of himself, so yes, concealer is feasible and I guess that's why I accepted that.

But after last night, I just started over thinking it

[MrsPeelyWaly]

OP, this sound like more than a bit of a nightmare. You're life is too precious to waste on these shenanigans and its time to move one.

[Stupendouslyshit]

Haha OnionKnight.

Yes - fuck off works.

But the hard-working bleeder chasing and not letting me leave it makes me give him further chances.

[Stupendouslyshit]

One lie - he dropped on me at lunch one day his old mate was in town and a group of them, including Pete, were meeting up with her that night in his old local area as she was down and hadn't seen everyone. Thought nothing of it. He called me actually on the way home for a chat and to say it was a good night but he was glad to be on the way home etc. Didn't press for info on the night as he'd had a good time - fine.
Three weeks or so later he was saying he needed to meet up with Pete as he hadn't seen him since he was with me weeks ago.
Of course, I pointed out I thought he was out that night with everyone and it transpired just the lady and he had actually met as everyone else dropped out. I gave him benefit of the doubt. Even though 5 others all dropped out on the same day!
But I asked if she knew about me - he said no, I'd never come up in conversation.
His other female friends know about me - but the story was a bit out of kilter...
There are other, similar stories...I've let them go, believed him, accepted explanations but I can't work out why he would have wanted to stay in our relationship if in fact he's a raging player. So I'm questioning

[magoria]

Life's too short.

And I suggest a trip to the STI clinic. Just to be sure.

[Oddsockspissmeoff]

If it wasn't a big deal meeting up with her he wouldn't have lied about it.

[angelcakerocks]

ime when a guy makes you feel suspicious and paranoid, it's usually because he's untrustworthy. Unless you feel like this with everyone you go out with. But if not, then yes the untrustworthy ones will make it feel like it's you, you're paranoid, as thats what they do. And you'll start questioning yourself and whether you're just being suspicious and paranoid

[LellyMcKelly]

Concealer or not, there is something odd going on. If you're inclined to get rid of him anyway, stop worrying about this and ditch him. You don't need an excuse, and he sounds pretty awful.

[frieda909]

Ah, the old 'you just never came up in conversation' chestnut.

My ex tried that one. He made a new 'friend' at work and came home talking about her every night. I was happy that he had someone to chat to in the office, but I asked him 'she does know you have a girlfriend, right?' He told me the subject had just never come up.

They had talked for ages about various holidays he'd been on recently (with me), where he lived (with me), our pets... and yet somehow the words 'my girlfriend...' had never come up in all those hours of conversation.

Guess who he's now dating.

[PossumInAPearTree]

You should apply foundation before concealer.


That aside I would finish things. He doesn't trust you, you don't trust him. He picks arguments and sulks.