If he says 'I don't love you anymore'?
Been having problems for a while with DH, lack of intimacy and affection which has been an issue for a long time but I thought that was porn addiction, he went to therapy about that last year.
He told me recently that he doesn't love me any more. I am absolutely distraught by this. He says he doesn't fancy me. He has been under a huge amount of stress for the last 6 months at work and I've put a lot of it down to that. This has devastated me, he said he was going to move out if I wanted him to but I've said I want us to fight for us. I still love him so much.
He has agreed to go to counselling and says he wants to save our relationship. We have 3 kids and I want to save this.
I've been on here long enough to know the script but I don't know if I'm projecting or if it really is how stressed he has been, and that I'm just paranoid.
We have I thought a good relationship, we are equal, we have a laugh, I thought we were ok, though we've had a tough few years with one thing and another.
I am keeping it together just but he won't talk to me properly and says he want to wait till we go to counselling. I am beside myself.
Is it ever not an OW? I have my suspicions about a woman he works with. I've not checked his phone or snooped in any way yet. Wtf do I do? Has anyone got past their partners saying that and it not been because he's cheating or wants to cheat?
We have so much to lose, I don't want to lose my family. I believe he does still love me. Please help.
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Relationships
Is it ever NOT an OW?
KindaMagicista · 25/02/2017 01:17
I don't know if it is the fact that I have read the same on here and the internet so many times or whether it really is my instincts though, that's the problem. I said that if he had nothing to hide would he be ok with me looking at his phone and he said fine! He deletes most things normally though. I thin his phone bill is online. I am worried that if I snoop it will cause more problems if he finds out. My head is wrecked. 
I'm an old giffer and from what I have seen of people around me splitting up and my own experiences of it, women are far more likely to leave a relationship, set up home on their own and function well on their own until another relationship comes along or not.
Talking generally, women manage this far better than men. I don't think I know one man that has done this and they are far more likely to go from one relationship to another without the bit in between. It seems to me that women often need the bit in between to get their head together whereas men seem to avoid this type of thing at all costs.
I'm not saying it doesn't happen but I think it's rare and men need to have another relationship to jump to thus avoiding the middle bit.
I do think with some men it doesn't have to be a fully formed idea and they leave sometimes on a fantasy almost. They have had their 'head turned' as a PP put it and they leave with a part formed idea fantasy that they will get into a relationship with the head turner with no specific plans as to the practicalities of where he is going to live etc. Often they realise that the woman they have been flirting with for months is not what they seemed or, when faced with a bloke with a badly packed suitcase they change their mind and the bloke then wants to return to the wife that does all the donkey work that goes on in his life original relationship.
So what I'm saying is that usually there is an actual OW, or one that is assumed by the man that she will fall into that role. Failing these two I think the man has an idea in his head of a 'generic' OW out there that he needs to be free to pursue and needs to get a flat/ a better car/new clothes etc so he can do that thing even if he doesn't go to the effort of getting the flat and car he will sofa surf, lose weight, smarten up and make an attempt to find her at least. It's shit and it sounds like I have a low opinion of men but I have seen several of my acquaintances and have myself, left a relationship with no other fantasy in my head other than getting some bed linen that is just mine and some nice candles and being able to shut a new door with just me and my stuff on my side of it and just needing to lick my wounds and let the world go by for a while. I don't know of one bloke that has done this without 'a prospect' on the horizon at least. I don't think they are wired that way. I thought I knew of one once but looking back, it was evident the lady friend he hitched up with a few months later in an apparent new relationship had been spectacularly well hidden is all.
I would snoop like a loon. I would look for a second phone and if I found that I would look for a third. I would do everything in my power to have every bit of knowledge I could about what was actually happening in my own life. I am not a blind eye sort. I would need to know if a line had been crossed so I could make a decision about myself. Once my old man had said he wanted out or even hinted at it, it would be over for me. I may be a bit of a 'hard liner' but I have been there, got the tee shirt, the beanie hat, the sun strip and umpteen fucking car stickers. I suppose you could argue I would be snooping so I knew why, as an academic exercise only?
for you OP it's a shit sandwich and no mistake.
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