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i dont think i can do it on my own(8 Posts)
Name changed for this as it's quite outing. I had a baby 5 weeks ago, his dad and I broke up when I was 8 months pregnant, I felt alone for most of the pregnancy beforehand though, and found it really hard being alone at the end. When our son was born we started getting on really well again and we were talking about getting back together. That is until I found out he was going on dates and lying to me about it (i know technically he was still single but we'd been talking about getting back together and our son was only 2 weeks old)
Despite all this, I STILL keep running back to him. He's messaging other girls but will tell me he loves me. He'll kiss me and ask us to stay over at his but I know it's a bad idea. I know being involved with him is bad idea overall but I'm finding doing this on my own really difficult and I'm struggling to bond with my baby. I just want to have a "family" and bring him up with someone, I feel like I'm not capable of raising him alone.
Can someone please give me some advice? Do I talk to him and see if there's anything worth salvaging for the sake of a family? Or do I break the whole thing off and try to go it alone (he'd still be involved in my son's life of course)? I just feel so tearful everyday because I'm not coping with being a mum, I wasnt expecting all this and have noone in RL to talk to about this
It is quite obvious to anyone reading that this relationship can only bring you misery - end it sooner rather than later to avoid prolonging the agony.
It will hurt, but you will get through it as everyone does.
But it sounds like you do need support, and that's perfectly understandable for a single new mum. Do you have any family or friends who can help practically, or who you can talk to?
Otherwise I would suggest professional help,and your GP or midwife can put you in touch with organisations locally.
You shouldn't have to be going through this with a 5 week old baby. I would limit the contact and then let it only be about the baby. Don't make any decisions now, tell him you need space. if he is worth it he will accept that. You are fragile, and emotional, try talk to someone in RL and protect yourself. You need to focus on recovering post partum, and focus on your lovely baby.
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond.
HappyJanuary I can talk to my friends about it but I sometimes feel like they dont properly understand how I'm feeling because none of them have kids
I felt really emotional after he was born and i thought it was just baby blues but it's only been getting worse since
It may feel daunting how but you are better going it alone. I had my DS when I was 17. I spent 5 weeks in hospital before he was born by emergency caesarian 2 months early. He was tiny. My 'D'P cheated on me all the way through. I tried to make it a go of it for the sake of DS and married partner when I was 21. I left him a short time (about 1 year) later as he was still cheating/lying. I had no money and nowhere to go, but I survived and was much happier. I went on to meet a fabulous bloke who I have been with for 27 years, married to for 23 years. DS and I have had a great life without him. I know that for many years my ex was cheating on his long term partner, he may still be doing so. I don't know.
You are worth so much more. I wish I had realised it earlier. Good luck
OP can you find a local baby group for single parents and/or contact the NCT? You need some friends who are parents to help you get through this. You CAN do it on your own - but five weeks is such early days. (I felt like I couldn't do it even with a partner at five weeks and moved to my parents' for two weeks). Having to go through all this with someone who is messing you around is something you and your baby definitely don't need.
Speak to your health visitor, and hopefully you can get some support. Your hormones are all over the place when you have a young baby, so that might be affecting your mood, as will the anxiety of all the uncertainty.
Do you have friends or family who can help to support you?
How I had a child with a narc. The problem with being in a horrible relationship with a new born is you make that time about turmoil and heartache rather than about the baby.
You need to limit contact and focus on you and your child. You can do this on your own. I did, it was hard at first. (I left when she was 1 and should have left earlier)
Find single parent groups, call gingerbread (single parent charity) and get real life support.
You can do this. Don't make this about him, make it about you and your future with your dc. Big hug, I know it's hard xxx
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