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Perhaps on AIBU board - OH work crisis

(2 Posts)
chocolaterose20 Fri 24-Feb-17 14:23:11

OH been away with work all week and on Monday nightmare happened with big problems and his department in trouble. Told me Monday night that worried would be sacked but apparently not, but 'too tired' talk about it. Big shock for me shock - I'd had no idea and was left feeling sick waiting for next time 'he'd ring me'. But apparently this week he's already spoken to brother, sister and parents - meanwhile hardly told me anything?!? Glad he's got them for support, but I'm the one worrying about paying next months bills. Keeps saying he's too tired/busy, will just 'inform' me what's going on when he gets home at weekend! Have spent all week fretting. AIBU to expect him to tell me more and involve me in decision making? I'm an equal adult not a child to be told when the 'grown-ups' have decided.

Try to make long story short - OH been having horrible time. Working 14hr+ days, endless pressure to meet impossible targets. I've been trying to support him at home by doing everything, no family my side to help out etc so knackered. I've been managing work on house (drains problems/electrics fixed), spent months on paperwork (his taxes etc), supporting our SN son which can be 24 hour job. Needless to say all housework too. Had cancer scare and had to demand he came with me for results as he was 'too busy' and he was shocked when I was upset. Now I'm wondering if support has been mistaken for 'doormat'.

Honestly don't think he's avoiding me, he just doesn't seem see it as a priority. Trying to stay calm but struggling as don't even know WHEN he'll be home! (He's too busy talk about that too...). Aargh, rant over.

PaterPower Fri 24-Feb-17 14:46:24

I don't think you're being unreasonable but it's possible he's trying to protect you and didn't want to worry you about it until he knew for sure. I don't think that's him trying to be patronising, necessarily (although obv you know him, so..)

I know that I'd be careful about heaping unnecessary pressure on DP if I knew she was holding the fort with a SN dc, doing stuff to the house AND had just had a cancer scare! But I'd still want to vent a bit so, like your sh, I would probably also use a close friend or family to do that with instead.

If he's employed in the U.K. it would be quite difficult for them to just sack a whole department without some kind of payoff/redundancy so hopefully you'll both have some sort of cushion if it is as bad as he thinks.

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