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Seriously in need of advice/opinions

(3 Posts)
Spinkypants123 Fri 24-Feb-17 10:38:00

Stay in a bad marriage or not?

When I say bad I mean emotionally abusive, amongst other things. He's now apparently aware of his abusive behaviour and wants the chance to "work on it". I have little love left to be honest and want out. But and this is the crux of it for me, he's also decided that he was only being abusive because he was so busy and so focused on work, that he didn't realise it would affect me so badly, and that he thought I'd just get over it. I don't believe him, but I don't want to put my baby through any trauma. I am worried about the effect on my 16 month old either way. I'm not financially independent , leaving is not an easy option, but I'm really, really unhappy.

pallasathena Fri 24-Feb-17 11:48:38

If you raise a child in a dysfunctional environment, you become dysfunctional parents and run the risk of bringing up a child in a dysfunctional and unhappy home.
You are obviously dreadfully unhappy and have little confidence in your ability to make decisions that work for you. And therein lies the crux of the matter. You have to make decisions now based upon the wellbeing of your child and yourself.
You don't need anyones permission, you don't need anyones agreement to make those decisions. You have to become strong, resilient and fully focused on you and your child's happiness and health.
Nothing else matters.
While it may appear frightening and while you may fear the ending of your relationship, if you stay, what life are you living? Is it the life you want or is it the life others have convinced you to live? Or maybe, its the easiest, no confrontational, keep everyone happy except yourself solution to stay?
Your choice.

Adora10 Fri 24-Feb-17 11:55:29

No don't stay, when children are involved I think they should be your priority and should be shielded from any kind of abuse or dysfunctional relationship; your children are a product of you, their upbringing but also what they see you set examples of; get out now while you can and before any damage is done because it's irreversible and can affect that child for years to come.

Even without children, any level of abuse is unacceptable.

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