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I just need some help

(11 Posts)
Cmajmp Fri 24-Feb-17 10:27:07

So, last night our daughter didn't sleep well. Me and the OH went to bed at around 10pm and since then the baby was up constantly. OH went to sleep as he had to be up for work which is fine. However at around 2am I still had not slept as I had been up constantly with the baby. I admit I got frustrated and raised my voice and said "Why won't you sleep". I was so tired and on the verge of tears myself. In my attempt to settle the baby I was gently talking to her etc. Every time I thought she was asleep she would then wake up crying again. So it was a vicious circle for about 4 hours. I put her in our bed in an attempt to get some sleep and she kept getting up. I lay her back down and again firmly told her it's bed time. My partner got out of bed at around 3am and said that he was going to sleep down stairs. I was so tired and I know I was really grumpy with him. This morning as usual I text him saying good morning as we do every morning. He then text me saying he heard me smack out daughter in the night!!!! I did not smack her and I was so upset he's accused me of it. I would never lay a hand on her. She's 10 months old now and doesn't understand. We have fallen out about it and I told him he should help more on the night. He never gets up with her even when he's off the next day. Sometimes I feel like a single parent and the comment of me smacking her is pushing me to breaking point. He didn't day anything last night when he thought he heard Me! Am I over reacting? Should I let it go? J just don't know what to do!

IateallthePies654 Fri 24-Feb-17 10:32:14

Ask him why the fuck he didn't immediately take over and protect his child.

Cmajmp Fri 24-Feb-17 10:36:17

That's what I said to him. I said if this was the other way round no way would I of left her with him!

Imi22sleeping Fri 24-Feb-17 11:17:38

I am sending you my love. My dqughter never alept ahes three and a half now and is this dreadful!! You nees to lay downthe law. You are not her sole provider and yes he mqy hqve to qork but you hqve to function with a child in the day time. You know you didnt snack her but make sure he knows your not impressed he didnt take over x

Spinkypants123 Fri 24-Feb-17 11:35:43

He needs to help out at night more, definitely. But the smacking thing, outrageous. If he really heard you smack her (which I'm sure he didn't) surely he would have come up straight away? Sounds like he's being a bit of an arse.

Buzzardbird Fri 24-Feb-17 11:39:55

Don't dwell on that today, try and get some sleep if she naps.

Deal with him when you have a clear head.

Cmajmp Fri 24-Feb-17 12:05:33

I do admit I can get frustrated in the night when she doesn't sleep and were so tired. I have put her down and walked away to compose myself but only because I can feel myself getting upset and frustrated nothing to do with wanting to hurt her. He's upset me more because he obviously thought I would hit her sad he's now text saying he doesn't want to argue.... I didn't reply and he's text again changing the subject trying to be nice. I don't even want to talk to him.

Spinkypants123 Fri 24-Feb-17 12:28:16

Totally understandable that you get frustrated. Trying to get a baby to sleep is awful when you're exhausted and frazzled and the baby just won't sleep. Been there, am there regularly. I would be concerned that he's suggesting he thinks you're capable of hitting your baby. It's shitty, and it hardly makes you feel supported or confident. He doesn't want to argue, fine, but what does he want? What does he hope to gain? Is he trying to act like he's the rational one and you are the irrational woman capable of smacking a baby? Very odd. So sorry you're experiencing this.

HarmlessChap Fri 24-Feb-17 12:46:34

Is sleep a common problem, sleep deprivation is awful I remember how hard it was with only 4-5 hours each night and trying to work.

Try not to let his comments sour things, given that he didn't intervene I'm going to go out on a limb and question whether he actually dreamt it, I know there were times when I had some difficulty differentiating what was real and what was dream albeit it didn't include hitting more that I recalled conversations which never apparently happened.

tribpot Fri 24-Feb-17 12:50:49

He can't accuse you of having smacked your child and then say he doesn't want to argue and change the subject. At minimum he has to say that he did not hear you smacking your child and he retracts the accusation. No-one can just let that go. If he thinks it's acceptable that he didn't immediately get up at the point where he (allegedly) heard this he is very much mistaken.

Furthermore you need to split the bad nights into shifts - by 3.am. he could have had 5 hours' sleep, certainly by 4 a.m. he could have got up to take over, I had to do that often enough when I had work in the morning.

I suspect he wants to change the subject because he knows he's lying.

Cmajmp Fri 24-Feb-17 13:18:03

He has just come from work and tried to give me a kiss like usual and I told him no and I was upset by what he said and he said that he's the one that should be upset by what he heard. I told him that I didn't smack her and if he feels that strongly he can get up in the night. He said he will be getting up with her... and now he's gone to the gym. He forgets I gave up everything for him. I moved away from my family and friends and gave up my job. Now I'm a sahm with no friends and it gets me down.

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