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Should I leave?(9 Posts)
I've been with my partner a few years we have a 1 year old together and live together.
He's lied about some stuff in the past that he didnt think mattered but it made me not be able to trust him at all.
Now he lies about stupid things every day stuff like what he ate for breakfast or if he went to the toilet or not ... I know they are weird things but if i ask if he ate the last of the bread he denies it and makes me question whether or not there was bread left so i feel crazy.
He has a lot of bad habits that he did stop but now started again but more often and if I try and help him to stop i get told that he doesn't need help off someone younger than him.
He works full time and i stay at home with the baby so I hardly see him, I'll see him for a few hours at night and one or two days a week he'll have a day off.
I spend every day cleaning and tidying up after him because he leaves everything everywhere and wont help (I know that's a man thing) but I never get a thank you or told that I've done a good job. I have tried not doing the housework for a day or two but he just bitches that things aren't where they're meant to be or that he doesn't have his spoon for his breakfast.
I do get mad sometimes and shout or throw things when he's out of the room but he'll come storming screaming at me and sulk for hours after, and if i cry I'm told to shut up or stop crying because im not a baby.
I have been trying for months to put up with his habits and understand more with the way he talks to me but i can't find any reason why I'm being belittled every day.
He complained that i wasn't affectionate enough towards him so I've tried more hugs and kisses and he doesn't take me on.
If we go to bed I have to do everything and if i don't do exactly what hes wanting he starts saying it wont work and it's because i won't do such a thing .. But for the past couple of weeks he's hardly been trying he's been falling to sleep , I know hes tired he works long hours and 5 days a week ...if he said he was tired I'd go to sleep myself I can remember the last time I had a decent sleep, but he will start making me think that it's going somewhere and fall to sleep then proceed to shout at me .
Im told constantly that I'm moaning and complaining which i get but I'm a mum with a 1 year old that refuses to sleep and has me rushed off my feet all day I feel like if I complain a little about being tired it isn't a sin?
I understand he's tired and moody from being tired. And I'm tired and irritated. I feel like i can't say how i feel because i have him rolling his eyes or sighing at me or treating me like he's on a higher level.
He told me earlier this evening in a conversation not an argument that if I think I should leave any time to not think about it to just do it. But last time I said i was going and got mine and baby's things he started being awkward telling me what i had to leave and what he bought.
He doesn't play video games or sit on his phone all day , he either potters about the house or sits down picking his nails in front of the tv. (He's hardly on his phone and very open with his phone, works in a 12 hour a day job so has no time to cheat on in case anyone thinks that might be the reason - it could be but I dont think its likely)
After we've argued or had a couple of bad days hell be really nice for a day or so but it'll start again i try to sort it out and ask him to talk with me but he sighs ignores me.
I'm so tired
Sorry that's ridiculously long i didn't realise how much i was babbling
He doesn't seem to show you ant respect. Do you get anything positive from this relationship?
How is he with your baby?
Are you in a position to leave if you wanted to? If you are then perhaps you should leave. It doesn't sound like a healthy environment to bring up your child in and he sounds horrible.
I know it's stupid but i love him.
He's alright with the baby he helps with her when he's home and tries making her happy and laugh constantly, hes not mean to her or anything like that.
He does act sometimes like he knows better how to do things for baby, like when she tantrums and throws herself on the floor I ignore her for a minute and she stops but he will stand telling her to stop being silly.
At the minute id I'd say I'm not in a place to leave. I have no money, no friends or family i can stay with .
I don't know if i could leave even if i knew I should
He sounds horrible, and spoilt, and rude, and abusive.
What did you learn about relationships when growing up, what sort of an example did your parents set you?.
What is the situation re the property?.
What is there to love about this individual who is abusive towards you and habitually lies?. It is really stupid. Are you really confusing love with codependency here; why do you keep putting his needs above yours?.
If there is no trust there is really no relationship.
All his behaviours are abusive in nature. They are not all horrid all the time to their target of choice but the nice/nasty cycle is a continuous one.
You sound like his slave. Re your comment also:- "I spend every day cleaning and tidying up after him because he leaves everything everywhere and wont help (I know that's a man thing) but I never get a thank you or told that I've done a good job". No that is not a man thing, that is a thing specific to your partner.
Is this really the role model of a relationship you want to be showing your child?. What is this young person seeing here?.
Womens Aid on 0808 2000 247 are worth contacting and they can help you here.
he leaves everything everywhere and wont help (I know that's a man thing)
That's not a "man thing". It's a selfish, lazy cunt thing.
Please speak to Womens Aid. You don't have to live like this.
(I know that's a man thing)
It isn't. It's a him thing.
You need to change how you see him. He's a lazy selfish prick who is happy for you to do everything. He chooses to behave like this.
You can do better than this.
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