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Don't seem to have slept with anyone i fancied - at all

(9 Posts)
Rossiebrown Wed 22-Feb-17 13:14:09

Please help me make head and tail of this. I'm a new MN registrant but an avid user since forever so hope you don't mind.
So here's my stats:
- 31 year old female
-Divorced - abusive twat - Journey to freedom completed - now single for the past 4 years ( was the only significant relationship i've ever had)
- I have had over 10 sexual partners (too short to be relationships but also not entirely ONS) none of whom I was attracted to or had desire for - Slept with them because they showed a little interest and I wanted to have sex ( the figures are pre- marriage by the way)
- I don't get approached by men very often
- I don't seem to get the 'phwoar he's hot' thing at all very often

I guess what I am looking for is wtf is this all about - what is wrong with me - I am overthinking ? where do i go from here sad
Apologies for the presentation - please help!

Happybunny19 Wed 22-Feb-17 13:37:48

Are you sure you're sleeping with the right gender? Didn't you find your husband attractive when you married him?

I slept with a few men I didn't really fancy when I was younger, before settling down in LTRs, so I don't think you are particularly unusual.

Do you actually have sexual desire or are you perhaps asexual but feeling pressure to conform to what's considered normal?

Rossiebrown Wed 22-Feb-17 13:48:58

Thanks Happy. Very interesting especially the asexual bit .. i think i need to explore the possibility.
I haven't felt any sexual pull towards any man and all my sexual encounters have been quite meh as a result? Or is sex just meant to be meh?
Sexual desire - I can go for extended periods of time without being bothered by the lack of sex - but i seem to want it when things go wrong in my life ..

Happybunny19 Wed 22-Feb-17 13:57:30

Have you felt any desire towards women?

Although in my experience ONS sex was certainly meh I wouldn't say that sex is like that with the right person (quite the opposite).

Do you have any difficulty forming normal relationships with friends or is this just romantic situations you're struggling with?

Rossiebrown Wed 22-Feb-17 14:06:04

No desire towards women at all and yes I have difficulty forming normal friendships - avoidant personality you see.
But surely this doesn't affect my ability to fancy someone just on a physical level - does it ?

Happybunny19 Wed 22-Feb-17 14:11:26

I wouldn't know from personal experience, but the way you describe yourself seems quite unsure of how you should feel and what you consider normal. I wondered if you have ever had any assessment for Aspergers or similar. I mean no offence, but it could certainly affect how you relate to others.

Rossiebrown Wed 22-Feb-17 16:47:21

Thanks for your input. No definitely not on the spectrum - i have taken the test - i think i;m just shit at anything relationship related -

HelenaGWells Wed 22-Feb-17 16:52:59

Maybe it isn't sex you crave but closeness and comfort?

Rossiebrown Wed 22-Feb-17 17:02:38

You have a point there Helena - yes I do crave intimacy and comfort but at the same time terrified of it so actively avoid or sabotage anything with possibility - I'm seeing a counselor at the minute so will work on this - its the attraction thing that baffles me

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