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Dating someone you aren't hugely attracted to?

(17 Posts)
ImNotOkayyy Wed 22-Feb-17 09:33:49

My last relationship was awful and based, firstly, on my massive initial attraction to this person. By the time I realised who they were as a person I was infatuated and I had a really rough 18 months with this narcissist.

I started talking to someone online. Her profile photo is nice but the more photos she sends I'm not sure if I am attracted to her or not. We have a lot in common and I enjoy talking to her.

My previous relationship was online a lot of the time and I don't know if I am just missing the chatting and flirting.

I know I sound very shallow but I'm honestly not. I hardly ever find myself attracted to people and I think thats why I got so heavily ducked in to my last relationship, it was a completely new experience feeling that visual lust.

Has anyone ever been unsure and then had a real connection in person? We are getting much more flirty and suggestive and planning on meeting for a drink soon.

ImNotOkayyy Wed 22-Feb-17 09:35:11

I feel I have to add the disclaimer I am also a woman as I've been accused of drip feeding previously.

PalcumTowder Wed 22-Feb-17 09:39:53

In my experience you can't really tell if you fancy someone until you're face to face. It's all about mannerisms, connection, even things like smell and touch.

So based on that, I would meet with her. But if there's still no sexual attraction after that I would call it a day.

jeaux90 Wed 22-Feb-17 09:40:59

I have and interestingly enough I knew this person for about a year, nothing, nada, no lust and then became very attracted to him. Sometimes things grow. I always had a 3 date rule, see if they are a grower rather than a sparker grin

Foureyesarebetterthantwo Wed 22-Feb-17 09:41:21

I agree, meet in person which will decide it one way or the other.

Champers4Pampers Wed 22-Feb-17 10:07:08

This could work both ways. You could be hugely attracted to someone online but then it just doesn't work when you meet in person. I agree meet her before writing it off.

NC1nightstand Wed 22-Feb-17 10:25:43

She could also photograph badly. I very rarely look good in photos but look alright in person. Lots of people have said this to me. There is so much that makes someone sexy and attractive. Usually their mind and outlook on life - that you can obviously get from online communication but so much that you can't get like smell, mannerisms, eye contact, that amazing electricity when you accidentally touch. So, if you already like her you've nothing to loose by meeting up. You can have your excuses /reasons/escape plans ready in case she really doesn't do it for you but remember it's a two way street and she may not be into you in real life!grin But I am a romantic and so I'm hoping she's actually a Fox and you'll be tearing each other's clothes off by tea time.

ImNotOkayyy Wed 22-Feb-17 10:47:10

All very good points. We arranged to meet this weekend.

TheNaze73 Wed 22-Feb-17 11:26:31

Do it daytime, with a built in excuse to leave, after an hour.

HotNatured Wed 22-Feb-17 11:35:48

Definitely meet before discounting. I met a guy on Tinder, he was so good looking, but talked incessantly, literally waffled the whole time about nothing, and it really put me off him. Conversely I've met guys who aren't amazing lookers but have the most magnetic sexuality and sex appeal.

WhatIsWrongWithMePlease Wed 22-Feb-17 11:36:39

I'd never ever ever admit this in real life but I was not attracted to my DH when we first met but loved his personality and fell in love with him. Now I think he's on or the most attractive people I've ever met. I hope that helps you in some way although it was different for me as we didn't meet online.

pocketsaviour Wed 22-Feb-17 11:36:47

Good move smile

I have also been told many times "Your photos don't do you justice". I am quite self conscious about being photographed and I think that makes me look awkward, whereas in person I'm a lot more relaxed.

LoupGarou Wed 22-Feb-17 12:17:04

I agree with WhatIsWrongWithMePlease I though DH was a prize twat when I first met him but after several botched attempts to apologise to me, I reluctantly agreed to meet him for coffee, so he could apologise in person. As I got to know him I saw what a lovely, amazing person he was and fell in love with him - he still has foot in mouth though.

SiestaFiesta Wed 22-Feb-17 12:41:03

I'll never tell anyone else this in real life but I wasn't attracted to my now dp at the start. We met online (as a lot of female liking females seem to do wink) bonded over mutual interests and as I got to know her IRL I saw what an amazing, empathic, kind person she is and the attraction grew.

We've been dating three years now and not only she is my best friend who I can talk to about everything and anything, very unusual for me, but I most definitely am attracted to her too.

birdybirdywoofwoof Wed 22-Feb-17 12:45:02

How on earth do you decide your attracted to someone or not without meeting them?

I find it bizarre that people are 'flirty' and 'suggestive' with total strangers.

Is there anything wrong with meeting someone and then deciding if you fancy them or not?

Graphista Wed 22-Feb-17 12:50:39

Definitely meet, I have a platonic friend that we met initially by old! We had a spark online conversationally but in real life not a physical attraction but we're good friends and have been for a few years now, she even met her now ex through me (let's ignore the fact it didn't work out - amicable split though)

BlueNeighbourhood1 Wed 22-Feb-17 17:32:56

Another vote for meeting.

I had an 'online friend' for about three years and finally met last June. Before we met I wasn't really attracted to her at all, I mean she was okay but I didn't think I'd meet her and want to kiss her or anything. The spark was instant and I was so so attracted to her, we've been together ever since and I honestly think she's the most beautiful person ever.

So it does work, hope it all goes well at the weekend!

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