Dd (5) woke up with a sore neck and a headache after sleeping on too many pillows. She was in genuine pain and crying a lot. Dh told me she was over-reacting. She also complained of a belly ache.
This is a recurring theme.
He's told me tonight not to give her calpol as it has bad e numbers in it (he smokes so I find this bizarre).
Tonight she's had blood in her urine. Dh told me not to call out of hours and that I was over reacting. I told him I wanted to get medical advice - that it was probably a urinary infection but that I'd rather check it out with a medical professional.
The reason it's got me thinking it's gas lighting is he's got me constantly wondering if I am over reacting. I've been suffering with anxiety and depression since having Dd but I wasn't anxious about the events of today - just wanting to take the best care of Dd
No it's not gaslighting. Gaslighting is when someone persistently takes specific actions - for example moving objects around the house - in order to make you doubt your own sanity and grasp of reality.
In this case, you have a difference of opinion. He doesn't sound like a particularly sympathetic parent, but there is nothing in what you've said that sounds like actual abuse.
However, the rest is too much of a snapshot to tell anything, really. If you routinely dose her up with calpol several days a week for the smallest niggle, well maybe he has a point, but we don't know, do we. Would you say you are generally anxious about her health?
The telling you that you are over-reacting is one thing which would piss me off, but to tell his daughter that she is 'over-reacting' about the pain that she is in is awful. How does he know how much pain she is in?
And then to compound that by telling you not to phone out of hours and not to give her Calpol. He didn't want to be involved, but he wanted to actively stop you getting medical advice and giving her medicine.
If this is genuinely a one-off and just a difference of opinions, then I think you need to sit down and discuss the fact that your daughter was genuinely in pain, and that you did the right thing in seeking medical attention for her.
He was wrong in both dismissing her pain and wrong in trying to stop you from sorting it.
I have a feeling that this isn't a one-off. And your instincts are bang on. Tell him that you'll investigate the effects of e numbers in medicines just as soon as he packs in the fags.
If you feel his attitude to you and your daughter is unpleasant, unkind and generally uncaring then does it need a name? Why would giving it a name change how you react? It sounds an unpleasant situation to live in tbh.