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Can't cope with DC alone, ex moving away.

(194 Posts)
KoKoTronic Tue 21-Feb-17 21:07:35

Ex and I have 3 dc, 6, 8 and 11.

We divorced 3 years ago. He has DC a fair amount, two days one week, three the next. We share weekends and weekdays/school runs.

I moved out of the city were we lived in order to afford a bigger house. The school run takes 3 hours a day but I was happy to do it as it was shared.

Ilive with my partner and we have a new baby.

Ex has decided he's moving to the other side of the country and will be seeing our DC every other weekend...

This is shit beyond belief for them, and I just don't think I can cope with the lengthy school runs and suddenly having them on my own for so much more time.

Afreshstartplease Tue 21-Feb-17 21:09:22

Can you not move schools?

Mrskeats Tue 21-Feb-17 21:11:05

How are you on your own if you have a partner?
And yes can't them move to a nearer school

PotteringAlong Tue 21-Feb-17 21:13:52

But you haven't got them on your own? You've got a partner you live with? You will actually just be parenting like most people parent but with more free weekends. They do need to move schools though; 3 hours a day is ridiculous.

Cricrichan Tue 21-Feb-17 21:16:58

Move schools! Sorted.

Kikikaakaa Tue 21-Feb-17 21:22:59

Honestly a 3 hour school run is good for no one

Move their schools

JigglyTuff Tue 21-Feb-17 21:24:30

None of them are at critical school ages - move them.

And you're not coping alone - you live with your partner hmm

KoKoTronic Tue 21-Feb-17 21:25:13

Thanks for all the replies.

I would like to move schools but Dc really don't want to and after so much change I'm reluctant to put them through any more changes. I'm just so fucking angry with ex h.

Kikikaakaa Tue 21-Feb-17 21:25:33

Also they are at school for most of the day and you would not have them for one whole weekend every other week

This seems like a crazy post to those of us who are (real actual) single parents who do 90% of it all the time, you chose to have another child as well so 'coping' with them all is just something you will have to try and share with your partner

It's going to be hard for the kids, think about them in this not yourself so much perhaps

JigglyTuff Tue 21-Feb-17 21:26:24

Having said that, it is completely shit of their dad to move away and just expect you to pick up the pieces .

Unfortunately it's not uncommon angry

Kikikaakaa Tue 21-Feb-17 21:26:43

Then move closer to school and have less room

Sadly you can't have everything. Something has to give

PigletWasPoohsFriend Tue 21-Feb-17 21:30:06

Having said that, it is completely shit of their dad to move away and just expect you to pick up the pieces

Tbf the OP moved first 'for a bigger house'.

OP you are not on your own and to suggest you are is a bit disingenuous.

bloodyteenagers Tue 21-Feb-17 21:30:56

Why was it ok for you to move but not him? Yes it not nice for the dc's that contact will be reduced but it's not correct to say you are alone. You aren't.

MadMags Tue 21-Feb-17 21:32:21

You moved, now he's moving.

You're not on your own either, you have a partner.

Kikikaakaa Tue 21-Feb-17 21:32:57

I take it he's not moving just because he fancies it?
He's moving for work? What's the reason?
Surely he's going to find this hard too. It's not easy when life changes for everyone involved. Without the story I'm not going to judge him. For all I know he can't find work or has been given an amazing opportunity etc

magoria Tue 21-Feb-17 21:33:18

3 hours travel for school is going to be a nightmare when homework/revision etc kicks in for exam time.

It would be better to move them to a closer school or to move closer to the school.

Hermonie2016 Tue 21-Feb-17 21:34:40

The children will adjust to a new school.Will the oldest go to secondary locally?

It's not good for the children of everyone stressed and it must be hard for them to have to leave so early, plus not have local friends.
Move schools is the sensible action even if ex was living close.

notangelinajolie Tue 21-Feb-17 21:36:50

OP you aren't on your own. If current situation is too much for you, you should move schools (it really isn't up to the DC's to dictate to you about this) and/or move house.

I understand it must be inconvenient for you that your EX is moving away, but at the end of the day your have a way out of this situation.

Diddledum Tue 21-Feb-17 21:37:12

Umm you're not on your own with them, you live with a partner and have an ex partner who will have them every other weekend.....not sure why you're quite so angry.

Definitely move their school- the kids will probably prefer it in the long run as they will make new friends that they live a lot closer to.

Kikikaakaa Tue 21-Feb-17 21:37:20

If they are 6, 8, 11 then 3 years ago they were 3, 5 and 8, 2 of them were barely in school so how could you 'not move' kids when one hadn't even started and the other in reception?
It's kinder to do it now, rather than leave it even longer

PatriciaHolm Tue 21-Feb-17 21:37:24

That is a big shock, I can see that, and it will be to them too to go down to seeing him once a fortnight, I get that.

However, a 3 hour school run is bonkers, no matter how happy the kids or good the schools. How do they ever do anything else? Do you actually mean 1.5 hours there and 1.5 hours back both in the morning and evening? or 45 mins there, 45 mins back twice a day?

Presumably your 11 year old will be going to high school in Sept much nearer your home; that would seem to be a good point to move all of them if you can.

gamerchick Tue 21-Feb-17 21:40:48

Looks like you have a few options...

Change schools
Move closer to school
Or ask the ex to take the kids full time and you do every other weekend.

I understand you're cross but things are going to change and yes it's shit. There isn't really much you can do unless he changes his mind.

FourToTheFloor Tue 21-Feb-17 21:46:09

Your post is truly terrible OP. For your dc, not you.

DearMrDilkington Tue 21-Feb-17 21:51:30

I agree four.

Bragadocia Tue 21-Feb-17 21:52:22

It's appalling behaviour. I don't understand how people can just decide to abdicate parental responsibility, and there's nothing anyone can do to enforce it. It's utterly unfair that someone can choose to go from almost shared residency, to EOW, and the remaining parent just has to pick up the slack.

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