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I wiped part of my life out

(8 Posts)
Nomagicday Tue 21-Feb-17 20:31:13

Name change here!
Basically I was in an abusive marriage and after ending it is had to basically wipe out that part of my life. Sadly it meant loosing contact with my old school friends etc who I had been friends with for over 20 years.. he was a total bastard but a manipulating one so my friends (??) See the nice side of him. I moved away from village and built a new life. I am extremely happy now but do feel sad I have lost all those friends as I did not want anything to get back to him about where I was living etc. He told me he'd get me one day.
When I talk to work colleagues (some are friends) everyone has long established friendships. I feel like a right saddle not to have this.

Am I making sense?? I have a little boy now and a great husband. I guess I still feel sad I had no choice but to walk away from it all sad

beebeecee Tue 21-Feb-17 20:35:28

You have as much right as your ex to maintain relationships with your mutual friends.

LemonSqueezy0 Tue 21-Feb-17 20:38:33

Can you reach out to one or two and see how it goes? Can you use his desire to maintain his nice guy image to good use and make it clear that he doesn't mind you maintain those friendships.

alvinp Tue 21-Feb-17 20:42:57

I left my exdw and circle of mutual friends many years back. It was a small town, I moved away to escape. I sympathise, it's hard but sometimes necessary to protect yourself, mentally, emotionally and perhaps in your case physically.

In the long run the good friends got back in touch (thanks to the rise of Facebook) so I didn't really lose them. But I also made new friends on my own terms.

I'm sure you can too, and be positive, people always like making new friends.

SailAwayWithMeHoney Tue 21-Feb-17 20:43:12


I know how you feel. I fled to refuge to escape mine and had to cut everyone out. I have two friends from before I met him but I rarely see them now due to the distance. I don't know if it gets easier...I just wanted to show you some support.

You did an amazing thing and wouldn't have this life if you hadn't done it. Do you feel it's safe to get back in touch with some of these friends?

Nomagicday Tue 21-Feb-17 20:50:51

I know. I figured it's easier for him to know nothing about me. It's a small town and it would get back to him where i was living etc. He is infertile. We went through lots of ivf and I couldn't take his emotional and physical abuse anymore. I only stayed with him because I felt so guilty about his infertility.
He is so f8cked up I would be scared if it got back to him where I was. My friends just couldn't see the extent of it and played it down. As I now have a lo that's another reason I couldn't risk it. I just have to 'suck it up' I think it must be something a lot of people have to do leaving abusive relationships.
Sorry just had to vent. Makes me a bit sad every now and then.

barkinginessex Tue 21-Feb-17 21:17:12

I think for your safety and peace of mind it would be best not to contact your old friends, as hard as that will be for you. Can you establish friendships with colleagues or get a hobby to meet people? You are very brave for leaving absolutely rebuilding your life flowers.

Nomagicday Tue 21-Feb-17 21:41:50

Thanks for your replies.
I did the right thing. I know I did. It's just an aspect that a lot of people must go through when they have to leave abusive relationships. It's just life sadly
Onwards and upwards eh!!! confused

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