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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Help me propose

30 replies

wonderingsoul · 21/02/2017 19:51

Sooo im thinking of proposing to my dp, iv just ordered some personalized fourtune cookies. One for him and one for me.

Hes reads will you marry me.

I was thinking of going to a favourite resturant of ours. Then asking the staff to deliver these after dinner with them saying.. sorry there was a mistake with your dessert itll be a few more minutes but have these while you wait...

Im soo nercouse. Is this an ok plan? Have you got anybideas to make it more special?

Plus i really needed to tell some one... as im not telling people in rl im planning this.

God i hope he says yes... im 90 percent sure hell say yes.. what if he says no? Iv got two weeks till the bug day to be secomd guessing myself

OP posts:

Report

DarklyDreamingDexter · 21/02/2017 20:46

No ideas, but good luck! What's your cookie going to say? Something like 'Only Joking!' In case it doesn't go to plan. (I'm sure it will!)

Holly3434 · 21/02/2017 20:50

I personally wouldn't want to be asked in a public place, for me somewhere quiet. I was proposed to on a beach we went for a walk this was at 10pm on a winter's night and he asked me there. Made it special as it was just the two of us

wonderingsoul · 21/02/2017 21:14

Darkly mine says are you feeling lucky today?

But the only joking would have been usefull lol.

holly i had ideas of putting together a short picture slide then having the question at the end of it .. but played at thw cinema after the film.... but that was toooo public for me... though i think hed quite like it.

OP posts:

HeddaGarbled · 21/02/2017 22:51

You know him better than we do, so you are a better judge of how he will react. But honestly, if you have some doubt about whether he'll say yes, wouldn't you rather do this privately than in a restaurant with an audience and with all the staff involved?

What about at home, over his favourite meal cooked by you and a glass of champagne? Or at an outdoor place that has significance for your relationship?

PatriciaHolm · 21/02/2017 23:03

Honestly? Unless he's an unashamed exhibitionist, a restaurant is a terrible idea. Plus it puts huge pressure on him to immediately say yes! enthusiastically!

Why not at home, just the two of you?

Holly3434 · 21/02/2017 23:52

Could come home from dinner put fortune cookie on his pillow and let him open it there, with champagne

Montane50 · 22/02/2017 00:07

I think its great!
Plus only you two will know what the cookies say, the rest of the customers will be oblivious-if he says no you'll have to pay and have a chat in private at home

Holly3434 · 22/02/2017 00:13

Do you have a ring for yourself? You can buy men's engagement rings now?

wonderingsoul · 22/02/2017 00:32

holly no i dont have one.. but i have got him one, mens engagment rings have become popular.
I dont mind going shopping for a cheap ring afterwards.
Weve spoken about marriage and its on the cards for some point and i know for 100 percent hed like to be proposed to. So im pretty sure hell say yes.. theres just that tiny bit that says what if.

I like the meal at home idea i cooked and did a cabdle lit dinner/room for valentines day so would have been perfect for then had i not chickend out.

OP posts:

kel1234 · 22/02/2017 00:38

As others said, you know your dp best.
But I'd hate to have been asked on public.
We'd actually been arguing earlier in the evening. We were at home (I was pregnant). We were with the music channels on, and he went to the spare room. He came back and proposed out the blue.
No speech. No big gesture, I was in my comfy indoor clothes. It was perfect.

MiaMoo95 · 22/02/2017 00:41

You know your partner and relationship the best. So if he would like it to be in public then go for that.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 22/02/2017 00:47

I had a public proposal - he was calling the bingo in a working mens club and I was working behind the bar, when he proposed over the microphone. I dropped the pint of Guinness I was pouring because I didn't believe he would do it - we had been messing about beforehand and I jokingly said something about him not having the balls to make a grand gesture so it's my own fault really. Looking back now it is a funny story to tell the grandchildren but at the time I was really embarrassed, because I'm an introvert and had to spend the rest of the night being made a fuss of by the old ladies at the club.

Hope it all goes well for you OP, but it's worth thinking about his personality and how he reacts to public surprises.

LoupGarou · 22/02/2017 01:10

I have been proposed to twice, once in public, once in private.

Ex proposed to me in whilst watching a meteorite shower over a frozen lake with a midnight feast picnic, just the two of us.
DH proposed to me in public, we were at a ball and knew everyone there. I'm not an introvert but I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. It was quite a lot of pressure knowing people were going to be dissecting my reaction afterwards, and the gossiping was a bit grim as apparently I hadn't looked delighted . I felt a bit annoyed that DH had opened me up to being the subject of gossip, that sounds silly and I'm not really sure how to explain it.

I am quite a private person though, and if you think your DP would like a public proposal go for it, you know him best . I do love the idea of proposing over a home cooked meal though, seems more intimate and like you aren't trying to impress anyone watching, it makes it just about you and him if that makes sense.

toffee1000 · 22/02/2017 03:00

As an introvert I'd haaaaaate to be proposed to in public. I hate being the centre of attention, which is why if I ever get married I'd do it in a v small registry office ceremony.
Do what you want though OP!! If you think your DP wouldn't mind then go ahead.

TheNaze73 · 22/02/2017 08:01

I think only you'll know where best to do it OP. A lot of people would be mortified to have it done to them in public, I liked Hedda's idea. As a footnote, I had no idea that male engagement rings had become a thing. I know of at least 7 couples off the top of my head, who've got engaged in the last year & none of the men wear them & only half the women do. I'd make sure that'd be his thing as well

Ellisandra · 22/02/2017 08:09

Sorry, sounds awful to me - but you know him, not me!
I prefer the idea of the fortune cookies at home, but still... well, it's a bit gimmicky for me.

I had always told my friends that my ideal proposal wouldn't be planned. It could be mid washing up, just that my boyfriend would suddenly get one of those rushing overwhelming feelings and want me forever, and blurt it out. Never said anything to my boyfriend. One day we were lying on the sofa, an ordinary day, nothing special - just on and off kissing between chit chatting. And out it came! He told me afterwards that it was on his mind because we had a weekend away planned for 4 months later and he'd been thinking about how to make the 'perfect' proposal there. And as it was on his mind, it just came out, because he loved me and didn't want to wait. So, in the end he did make my perfect proposal!

Horses for courses.

Good luck!

INeedNewShoes · 22/02/2017 08:16

I know it's often that the proposer wants to make a public display of how much they love their partner, but I always think it's a bit controlling to propose in public, putting a huge amount of pressure on the proposee.

Kittencatkins123 · 22/02/2017 08:21

I think the cookies idea is cute!

And I don't think a restaurant is so public, it's not like when people propose at sports games!

And it sounds like you already know the answer!

Could you get a nice private area or a booth type bit in the restaurant?

I would also have champaign ready and a special gigantic ice cream sundae with a massive sparkler in it ~because I am a child~

Kittencatkins123 · 22/02/2017 08:21

*champagne!

INeedNewShoes · 22/02/2017 08:23

Argh! Sorry my post was so negative OP.

I actually like your fortune cookies idea but I'd do the proposal at home

Alpanini · 22/02/2017 08:51

I planned a special surprise thing but bottled it and proposed to my husband after a minor argument with a hangover. It was perfect and lovely anyway. Don't stress, it will be amazing however you do it!

Holly3434 · 22/02/2017 08:58

I'd gossip in public more than anything that a woman asked a man. I'm old fashioned like that, nothing wrong in it but I'd still gossip about it

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YawningHippo · 22/02/2017 09:14

I proposed to mine. Took him to a special place of mine I wanted to share with him, and had a whole little speech. He said no. We're still together but anytime I think of that night I just feel so embarrassed for making such an effort. You know him best, so however you do it make sure it's the proposal he would want rather than one you might like, that was my mistake! Good luck!!!

MrTCakes · 22/02/2017 20:38

My exh proposed to me in a 5star restaurant in London. I wanted to say no, but there was so much pressure on me with everyone watching I said yes.
I think it is much better to propose in private without an audience. Good luck op!

Whisky2014 · 22/02/2017 21:57

yawning what a shame. Why are you still with him if you do want to marry him and he said no though?

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