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DP Deception

(10 Posts)
user1487450864 Tue 21-Feb-17 13:31:21

I have been with DP for about a year. We don't live together.

We have been involved in the swingers scene (please don't judge) and have a 'couples' profile on a site. We only ever go to events/meets together & this is our no 1 criteria although in the year we have been together we have only meet 2 couples for drinks and nothing else.

A few weeks ago we had a huge argument which resulted in me leaving DPs house. I sure neither of us knew at that point (middle of the night)where our relationship was going, however, after lots of tears from both of us & long phone calls we had reconciled by the afternoon, agreed we were both being over emotional, loved each other & very much wanted to be with each other.

Last week DP asked me to look for something on his bank statement & I immediately saw a payment to this site. I have always made the payments from my account. He said ' oh your payment didn't go through so I had to make one, blah, blah "

Later that night I of course checked & he never made a payment to our profile. I said he needs to ring for a refund as we have been charged twice (knowing full well we hadn't). 'Yeah, yeah leave it to me I'll sort it"

Then the confessional text " When you left I was in such a dark place, I signed into the site & re-activated an old single profile"

So whilst he was pouring his heart out to me on the phone, in a 'dark' place, he was of sound mind to take out his debit card, enter all the details & go looking for chats all within 5 hours of me leaving ?

Not really sure what I'm looking for but just feel completely and utterly betrayed & feel he is using the 'dark' place as a complete excuse for his shitty behaviour.

Adora10 Tue 21-Feb-17 13:41:42

Yes you are right, he's a liar and a cheat.

A year? You should still be having romantic walks together and sharing dinner over candle light, he should be making you feel a hundred dollars.

Sorry, I don't mean to be a prude but are you really that surprised when he's already got you into swinging?

user1487450864 Tue 21-Feb-17 13:48:03

Thanks Adora - I think so too. He knows me well and knows I wouldn't have let it go (spidey senses) & I gave him several chances to tell me rather than force him to tell. I actually rang the company up to clarify the payments, told him this & then he didn't have any choice.

Just to clarify I did swing previously

Pixilicious Tue 21-Feb-17 13:51:52

I think it's no big deal. You were 'on a break' as long as he didn't contact anybody or do anything what has he actually done? He was probably angry with you and thought 'bollocks to it I'll see what else is out there'. I think you're over reacting.

user1487450864 Tue 21-Feb-17 14:00:43

He hasn't actually done anything - he did enter into chats whilst on there.

I suppose my issue is - he didn't fully delete an old single profile, he said all he could do was curl up in a ball & cry & I was actively communicating with him most of the morning to make sure he was ok as I was worried about him as he was telling me he was so devastated about everything.

Huskylover1 Tue 21-Feb-17 14:01:47

Do you really want to be swinging? Or has he asked you to do this? Personally I would be horrified if DH wanted to share me with others and sleep with other women. He has already indicated to you, that he wants to sleep with other women, so I wouldn't be surprised if he was doing just that behind your back. Can you see if he has been active on his single profile? Could you also create a single profile, with a fake pic and then try to engage with him, to see how he reacts. I actually wouldn't bother with him, tbh.

user1487450864 Tue 21-Feb-17 14:21:38

& he lied about the payment

DollieMountshaft Tue 21-Feb-17 14:27:59

That does seem rather.......swift.

Ellisandra Tue 21-Feb-17 14:32:42

I would be quite capable of thinking "fuck this, fuck her" if I was feeling hurt and angry and that it was over - and going straight on Match for a distraction, ego boost and a sort of "fuck it I'm fine I don't need her" defiant fake it til you make it gesture.

But not if I thought we were reconciling.

So depending on the whole situation, I might get over that. More of a problem would be the lying and the manipulative "dark place" shite hmm

NC1234 Tue 21-Feb-17 14:33:00

Assuming that you are totally happy to be in the swinging scene.....

Swinging is about trust. Without trust, anything you do in swinging will come back and haunt you. If you have any doubts about him and his actions then you need to not be in the swinging scene at the moment.

Remember, at times you need him to look out for you in clubs or if you're not comfortable to stop what is happening. You need to be 100% sure of him and he of you.

Are you sure he's not running the other profile alongside your couples one?

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