I've had this friend for around 15 years, I knew her from uni/post uni years where she was friends with people in my social circle so as social circles merged she kind of became a friend by default as opposed to someone who i'd met independently and developed a friendship with one on one.
We ended up coincidentally moving to the same city around 8 years ago and we were friends, but never super-close. It was our shared past and mutual friends that held the friendship together.
We then became pregnant around the same time and did become closer during our pregnancies as I guess we were going through a shared experience. I had my daughter around 2 months earlier than her and ended up going back to work six months later... we did a few mother and baby things together, but I had an older child as well so it wasn't always easy to do the type of baby groups that meet in cafes.
Anyway after I'd gone back to work, my friend developed a posse of other mums from these baby groups, and I felt like I'd been sidelined a little. She never invited me to things, and despite the fact that I still invited her over to mine now and then I never seemed to get a return invite. Things limped on for a while, and we did meet up now and then but I developed an ever increasing sense of resentment. This came to a head when, more recently, me/my child were not invited to her child's birthday party when we always had been before - she only invited her new mum posse friends.
I was hurt, but realised that if they all knew each other maybe inviting an 'outsider' to the group would have been a bit awkward. But it was kind of a last straw and I decided just to move on and stopped contact which had been a bit one sided on my part anyway.
Well, surprise surprise she got in touch a few months later asking to meet up, but that she was away that weekend. Which struck me as slightly strange - why ask to meet up with someone and tell them you're not free, as opposed to suggesting a weekend when you are? Anyway, my birthday was soon so I invited her along with some other friends out for a meal. We had a good time, and reconnected a little. She mentioned she was going to a gig I wanted to go to, and when I expressed an interest she said to come and sent me an invite on facebook.
I bought my ticket and told her I was going, the gig is tomorrow and I've not heard from her yet, I could get in touch and say what's happening tomorrow but something is stopping me and I'm sure it's not entirely rational..... I feel like I'm being sidelined again, and being the one to chase her.
I think to be honest I still feel a lot of resentment to her for, as I see it, ditching me for a new group of friends although I respect her right to be friends with whoever she wants and certainly wouldn't want to be possessive of anyone. I just think there was room for me too!
Part of me thinks I should give her another chance, the other part thinks it's not worth the risk as she'll let me down again, and it was kind of peaceful not being friends for a while. We do go back a long way though and I don't want to give up too easily just out of .... fear?
So I'm not quite sure how to play it, or whether I need to admit that if i can't trust her, it's time to move on.... any advice?
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Really conflicted about whether or not to stay friends with someone...
12 replies
maggiethemagpie · 21/02/2017 11:20
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