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Marriage counselling... worth it?

(8 Posts)
SeeMyVest Tue 21-Feb-17 10:40:56

Hi all,
The Daily Mail is shit
My DH and I have been through a really rough couple of weeks. I found "evidence" that he had been unfaithful (texts and then through my inspector work further photo evidence from OW social media!)
I love him. I know many will say I'm weak, I feel weak and I hate myself for it. But I've decided i am open to giving him another chance.

My problem is building back up the trust... I just don't know how to do it. Especially as he still isn't being 100% honest with me. He has admitted to texting her - he couldn't deny it as I saw the messages and he was so apologetic and said all the right things about that. But he will swear blind that nothing else went on. Even when I showed him a photo she has on her instagram account - the inside of his car, his arm on steering wheel conveniently showing his watch. I know it's him, he knows it's him but instead of coming clean he said "she's never been in my car! I don't know how she got that photo!" Just bullshit like this.
As I said, I want to forgive him and move on (weak, weak woman) but how do I do it?
I finally had enough last night when he tried turning it round to the fact I don't trust him and I don't believe him and I packed my bags and I'm staying away giving myself time to think.
He's panicking, obviously but the way he is reacting to hard evidence is frankly weird. How can he deny something so obvious?
I'm considering relationship counselling if I go back... has anyone had any experience of it? Is he more likely to admit it all? I honestly feel that if he can admit it then we might be able to move on... how can I build trust up again when he's not being honest??
Daily Mail are crap

(Apologies for the DM bits but I really don't want this in the paper)
Sorry this is rambly but I'm in a low point right now.

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 Tue 21-Feb-17 10:53:23

If he is not upfront and honest with what has gone on you are wasting time and money going to couples counselling. You will not be able to build up trust until he admits to everything that he has done.
It is good that you are having some space from him, although I would have been tempted to pack his bags and made him leave.
Have you got any good friends for RL support?

cowbag1 Tue 21-Feb-17 10:59:16

I think a better question is why are you so desperate to stay married to such an awful man, who has zero respect for you.

You may well get past this latest infidelity but what about the next?

MsStricty Tue 21-Feb-17 11:07:16

I'm an advocate of individual therapy instead of marriage counselling - mainly because there are two individuals bringing their own baggage into a relationship, and so better to deal with it at source, as it were. Also, seldom do couples enter into marriage counselling with equal enthusiasm/consent, so it is skewed from the start. No, better to go to therapy yourself, OP - and best of luck.

namechange20050 Tue 21-Feb-17 11:07:38

He needs to be totally honest with you before you can both move on. There isn't any point starting counselling until he tells you everything & owns what he has done. You need to tell him that he is right; that you don't trust or believe him & that is down to him and him alone. Good luck, op.

Bumpsadaisie Tue 21-Feb-17 11:47:47

It's not weak to forgive someone. It's very very hard!

People may shout LTB but only you can make that judgment.

I don't really see how, so soon, you can decide either way. I think you need to take your time before you reach a definite conclusion.

Therapy/couple therapy could help you in the process of discerning what you want to do.

Your DH may want a definite answer but given the circumstances you would not be unreasonable to say that this is a decision you will need some time and help to make.

SeeMyVest Tue 21-Feb-17 12:29:39

Thanks for the replies.
I don't really have many friends around as we moved to a new area not too long ago. I would usually go to my sister with any problems, she's very supportive but unfortunately she has her own issues at the moment and I don't want to burden her.
I like the idea of individual therapy. My trust in men as a whole is completely shot now (thanks to previous experience also) and even if I do LTB I think I will find a new relationship hard also. He's done a number on me! I think I was always expecting him to slip up

Adora10 Tue 21-Feb-17 12:50:27

There is no trust OP, he has wrecked that, I get that you love him but don't you love yourself just that little bit more?

Get rid, tell him you need time to think, he will shit himself and hopefully realise what he could lose; if he loves you back then he will come back to you surely?

Saddens me reading these posts from women going and getting anti depressants and counselling when it's their partners who have treated them like shit that need to be gone, no need to medicate yourself and suffer an unfaithful person!

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