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Having a bad day with parent.

(7 Posts)
Rainydayspending Tue 21-Feb-17 10:16:38

Today is my son's (1st) birthday. My parents haven't shown much interest in him. But generally I count our blessings on that as I find them unpleasant at best and don't trust them since childhood.
Today my mother called to ask how his birthday was yesterday. I said fine. It's today though. No apology. She laughs then says well I ought to change the birthday book then as it's in as the 26th. (Meaning what she filled it in as last year when we sent out birth announcement cards/ called etc).
So, a phone call just to make a point of how little it all means and no interest in/ questions about their two granddaughters/ asking about half term.
Fwiw i do make sure they (my parents) have a card present and call every birthday because my teachers at least could be bothered to teach me it's nice to show an interest.
Now I am low and pissed off on my son's birthday (as she has form i guess that was the point of her call).
Anyone else stuck in a situation like this?
Anyone know some want to be grandparents that want to laugh with and play with children? Do people like that really exsist?
Anyone think of something to do to lift the mood around here (ds currently napping daughters allegedly tidying their bedrooms).

InTheMoodForLove Tue 21-Feb-17 10:29:24

follow your teacher advice maybe ? take photos of DC blowing candles and post them to you parents. Skype/facetime or simply get her singing on the phone
and focus on having a good day and be a different mum yourself
happy b'day to dc smile

Rainydayspending Tue 21-Feb-17 10:34:14

Sorry? I am not sure I understand your advice. She wont call again now for at least 3 months. She's simply not interested in her grandson barely raised an interest in her granddaughters. I do send images etc. But at 42 I have a very clear understanding of the care my parents have being solely as an emotional punchbag now that they can't physically hit me anymore.
I am low about how life really is. all the cute photos and cake is not going to change that their grandparents don't care. I brought my children into such a cold world.

user1471451564 Tue 21-Feb-17 11:17:38

But your children have you! You sound like a lovely mother and that's why their lack of interest hurts you so much - because it's not a way you would act towards your children. As hard as it is and as easy as it is for me to say i wouldn't give them the head space anymore. When and if they do contact you be brief and simple and show no obvious reaction to their silly, petty, hurtful ways. Best reaction sometimes with peopke like this is no reaction. Don't let them spoil anymore of your life. It seems clear from what you've said they aren't bothered so why should you be? I hope your son had a lovely day (and your daughters did tidy up although if they are anything like mine they will have become distracted by a long lost toy rediscovered on said tidy up). flowers

noego Tue 21-Feb-17 17:32:05

Some GP's are like that. Thank your lucky stars they are not in your DC's lives. Imagine the damage they could do?

MatildaTheCat Tue 21-Feb-17 17:43:58

Stop contact on birthdays and times when you will feel especially hurt by her lack of care. It's hard to judge if her call today was well meant but a bit useless or designed to be mean. I'm sure her behaviour on special days is stirring up all the resentments and sadnesses of your own childhood.

I'm not one to suggest NC but LC sounds a way to go and instead turn to people who do care to share the special moments with. She isn't hoping to change and become the person you dream of.

I hope you do enjoy the rest of the day. Cuddle your babies, eat some cake and if she does enter your mind, remember it is she, not you who is missing out.

Hissy Tue 21-Feb-17 22:03:05

Draw a line love. They can't hurt you if you keep them far away from you and your loved ones.

These people are damaged and are only doing what they always did, but to your dc- unless you act to stop it.

Being a parent really shows us how bad parents are when they are bad.

Thank god they've not damaged you!

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