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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Ex GF faked pregnancy and I'm in the wrong!

30 replies

bullyhfc · 20/02/2017 23:48

Will try to keep this short as possible. Met exgf in October, moved in with her by December, I know it was a bit soon, and I was warned by friends this was the case. Agreed on an amount to cover all bills and expenses, and paid every week without fail.
She warned me just before I moved in she was bi-polar, which is fair enough, I have a family member who is bi-polar. I thought I'd be handle it, but how wrong I was!
Every little dis-agreement would turn into her getting un-believably abusive and stroppy. The first time was because I told her I wasn't happy about her telling her best friend neighbour everything about our relationship. The last argument which got totally out of control was about me paying yet again for a take away, when we agreed we would go halves. I also took her on holiday last minute with me, paying for the hotel and just asking her to pay for her flight.
She wasn't working for most of our 4 month relationship, I was doing early and late shifts. I would normally need a nap in the afternoon after coming home but this caused problems. It was ok for her getting up 6 hours later than me though.
I had enough and left, without my clothes and other belongings. We had another holiday booked, for next week, which she had paid some towards. To be able to get my clothes back she wanted her holiday money back ,and a weeks rent, which is fair enough so I paid and I collected my stuff, well most of it. She kept some back.
By the time I got back to my parents where I now have to live, she text me saying she was 6 weeks pregnant, sent me picture of test, and then a scan pic, which as I knew was her pregnant best friend neighbours scan. It had her name on it! She then rang up the holiday company to try and cancel the whole holiday but she couldn't as it was in my name.
She's been texting me for 3 weeks now, calling me mentally abusive and even threatened to call my work and get me sacked!
I just want her to stop this crap!

OP posts:

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RoundTheBend · 20/02/2017 23:52

Wow! Well for starters I would block her number so she cannot send you abusive texts.

Maudlinmaud · 20/02/2017 23:53

How could she have you sacked?

TopOfTheCliff · 20/02/2017 23:55

You haven't even known her six months! Just admit you made a stupid mistake getting involved with her, and block her phone number. If you really need your other belongings arrange to go round with a friend and get them, but she is keeping them to have an excuse to see you again. She sounds far too much hard work. You deserve someone nicer.

bullyhfc · 20/02/2017 23:55

Not a clue how she was going to get me sacked, Maud. She threatened this twice. I didn't think you could block texts. RTB

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bullyhfc · 20/02/2017 23:56

I was hoping until recently to be able to get the rest of my stuff back , having blocked her on facebook, whats app etc, I kept text open.

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hoddtastic · 20/02/2017 23:57

why mumsnet?

Maudlinmaud · 20/02/2017 23:57

You can with most devices, it should allow you in settings.

bullyhfc · 20/02/2017 23:58

I know I made a stupid mistake topofcliff. big time.

She has also threatened to kill herself on a number of occasions.

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bullyhfc · 20/02/2017 23:59

she is a single mother hodd, and I've been reading and lurking on here for years.

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RoundTheBend · 21/02/2017 00:00

I think you just have to realise that you made a bad mistake of getting involved with her so soon. It has been a hard lesson.

She cannot get you sacked. On what grounds can she get you sacked from your work so stop worrying about that.

Forget about the clothes you have not got back. Just write them off.

I think you need to take a little bit of time at your parents to get yourself back together again and then move on.

bullyhfc · 21/02/2017 00:00

and I have seen some really good advice, I just wanted to vent somewhere

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HeddaGarbled · 21/02/2017 00:03

A bit soon? After two months? Unbelievably stupid.

Block her number.

She can't get you sacked.

Think of this as a lesson learned - don't move in with someone you have only just met and know bugger all about.

ThatsPlenty · 21/02/2017 00:04

Get someone else(your mum maybe) to collect the rest of your things. After that, you will have no need to ever speak to her again. If she rings or texts just ignore. She'll get fed up after a while.

hoddtastic · 21/02/2017 00:09

you moved in with someone and their kid/s after a few weeks? And prior to that lurked on mumsnet? Blimey.

Catherinebee85 · 21/02/2017 00:10

She doesn't sound to have bipolar bipolar. She sounds emotionally unstable and manipulative. Even if she did have bipolar it would not excuse this shitty, abusive, manipulative behaviour.

Maybe you could approach your boss to make them aware of the shit she's putting you through so that if they did have a call from her (unlikely I think) they'd know she was just stirring.

I think you're just going to have to block her, write off your belongings (as long as nothing too valuable) and move on. See it as a lesson learned xx

Thinkingblonde · 21/02/2017 00:10

Write off your belongings, she's using them to have some kind of leverage to keep in contact.
Send her a cease and desist letter, telling her to stop contacting you, don't text it or email it, send it by post and keep a copy of it.
State in the letter that if she continues to contact you or threaten you in any way you will report her to the police for harassment.
And do it if she ignores your letter.

bullyhfc · 21/02/2017 00:18

thank you people great ideas :)

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GabsAlot · 21/02/2017 00:25

if she carries on say you'll go to the police-then block her number

its harrassment-fwiw i moved in with my dh after four months and we're still together

user1487364179 · 21/02/2017 00:26

What phone do you have OP? If you have an iPhone- make sure you turn off iMessage as well as blocking her number as she can send messages from email addresses to your number even if actual number is blocked.

If she continues to try to contact you by other means- then its time to call the police. My ex was a bit nuts and sent me text messages containing all kinds and a quick knock from the police soon put a stop to it.

I agree with other PPs you may need to let your things go- unless its anything of value

HarmlessChap · 21/02/2017 00:30

What an awful situation.

No she can't get you sacked but I would speak to your employers, to let them know about this.

If she contacts them with a complaint they may feel obliged to to suspend you while they investigate, depending on the nature of what she says.

If you make them aware that she is bipolar and has made these threats they can factor that into how they handle any situation that may arise, if they are unaware then they will have to take it at face value initially.

Otherwise block, chalk your possessions up to experience if you can and move on.

bullyhfc · 21/02/2017 00:31

hodd, her kids are 20 and 17, not kids. I'm not a weirdo.

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ScarlettFreestone · 21/02/2017 00:32

hodd there are all sorts of people on MN.

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bullyhfc · 21/02/2017 00:32

would never get with someone with young kids, not a chance.

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PerspicaciaTick · 21/02/2017 00:34

Keep screenshots of threatening messages and a diary of any abuse or threats. Be prepared to go to the police if the situation continues or escalates after you have told her not to contact you any more.

bullyhfc · 21/02/2017 00:36

I'm keeping every single text and fb message Perspiciacia :)

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