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Can you become attracted to someone you werent at first?

(13 Posts)
PickyPolly1 Mon 20-Feb-17 17:00:43

So, Ive been single for a good few years, Ive been looking for a relationship with no luck whatsover, not even a date.

Ive now been contacted by someone I met through friends last year, we met for coffee at the weekend and he wants to go on a date this week.
My dilemma is - hes lovely. Really nice to talk to, similar interests etc but he went in for a kiss after us agreeing to a date and it was the most awkward peck kiss, there was no spark at all, and Im kind of panicking at the idea of a date now.

This isnt good, is it? I feel so bad in that Ive been saying for years "I just want to find a good guy" and now one is interested, my libido is saying "meh, dont think so".

Is it worth hanging on in case something clicks? If I was going to a house party with other people there, Id probably make a beeline to talk to him because he is so lovely but I dont want to lead him on sad

jeaux90 Mon 20-Feb-17 17:05:07

I had a three date rule. If it's not clicking by then my thinking was it probably won't. That said I've known someone for a year and then suddenly was crazily attracted to him so who knows!! smile

thecatneuterer Mon 20-Feb-17 17:28:21

Yes I have. But it's taken a really long time and crucially during that time there was no expectation and so pressure for anything more and feelings/attraction could grow organically.

The trouble with dates is that you can't take that time. You can't suggest just hanging out as friends for a year or so just in case they become attractive to you.

So yes, if after a couple of dates you feel no attraction at all, then it probably isn't worth pursuing.

Nomoreworkathome Mon 20-Feb-17 17:31:47

Agree with jeaux
You would probably know after three or so dates

Kikikaakaa Mon 20-Feb-17 17:43:18

I agree with giving it a go and trying to find out on dates. It works the same way with someone georgeous who ends up being a twat and that makes them unattractive, someone can become attractive to you. I did not find my DP you know 'mind blowing' looking but I really fancy him now

RandomMess Mon 20-Feb-17 17:45:44

Yes it can!!!

If you have previously attracted to people who aren't good for you then actually it's a very good thing to give someone without that chemistry a decent effort at dating!

TheZeppo Mon 20-Feb-17 17:46:03

Yes, in that I fell madly in love with someone I'd known for four years- didn't see that coming at all!

BUT- not like you're talking. You can't date yourself into liking someone really!

eclipse16 Mon 20-Feb-17 18:51:40

This is the case for one of the happiest couples I know. I used to live with the girl and remember her coming home from their first date and she said exactly the same as you, he's too nice, there's no spark etc. She decided to give him another chance and her feelings grew and now 8 years later they are so ridiculously happily in love, it's actually a bit sickening! grin So yes definitely give him another chance!

PickAChew Mon 20-Feb-17 18:54:07

Yes. We've been married 13 years, now.

CoffeeDiamonds Mon 20-Feb-17 19:11:05

Yes! Married for 15 years smile

noego Mon 20-Feb-17 19:20:50

Can't tell you how many times I've not been attracted to someone physically at first, but fell for their personality, charm, openness and honesty.
I don't apply the 3 date rule, go with the flow smile
So yes would be my answer.

NotTheFordType Mon 20-Feb-17 19:28:20

It's perfectly possible to not be attracted to someone until you actually get in bed with them and realise they are fucking amazing at sex. From then on, <sploosh>

Obviously it's also possible to get in bed with them, realise they are shit at sex, and never see them again.

This is why I like to have sex fairly early on. Saves wasting time.

ClaraLane Mon 20-Feb-17 19:31:30

Yes and we've been together for 8 years and got married last year. We got talking online and met up a couple of months later and my first thought was "I don't fancy him at all". We kept chatting and meeting up and at some point I realised I liked the way he smelt and he gave me butterflies.

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