My exOH has really done a number on me. I love him, I always will, 21 years and 2 DC's but emotionally and verbally abusive increasing in severity in the last 3 years. I feel guilty as he says he has nothing and he adores me and he is heartbroken. I feel like a shell of my formal self, and I know I need to work on myself a lot. Even after typing the list, I still feel GUILTY! My sister told me to write a list today so here it is. I am posting it so I can refer to it when I wobble again.
- Constant competition about who does more (I work FT, take a lot of the childcare pre and post work and weekends, cook, shop, taxi the kids around, he was a SAHD), the kids are now with me most of the time)
- Making me feel guilty if I spend any of my precious time with anyone but him.
- Constant critisism: innocuous , passive aggressive, daily comments.
- Jekyll and Hyde: not knowing what kind of mood he would be in. Eggshells.
- The constant comments have made me anxious about almost every action I do because he has questioned my motives : putting lipstick on, making dinner and making any kind of mess, stacking the dishwasher wrong, using my phone...the list goes on and on.
- Not feeling in the slightest bit appreciated, its all about hard life is on you. This is a kicker because he hasn't once tried to find work since we relocated overseas and have been quite content for me to push and find work. If he was happy in the role, I wouldn't give a shit.
- Having to modify my parenting style (I'm more relaxed, he is like a sergant major).
- Anytime we leave the house is always accompanied by stressing/ shouting etc
- Not believing me if I say I am tired or feel unwell.
10. His needs always trumped mine.
11. Talking over me, putting down my opinions. Teeling me I wear rose tinted glasses.
12. Dismissing any ideas over bettering myself as "wellness bullshit"
13. Feeling uncomfortable in my own home (inviting people over etc was a very rare occurance).
14. Feeling guilty about going to the gym (which he never wanted to me to join) or going out in general.
15. Feeling like I cannot be close to my family as his is so dysfunctional
16. Drinking to excess. 4 month driving ban earlier in the year, but continues to drink drive.
17. Showing the boys how disappointed he is in them when they are just being kids.
18. Attacking me or the boys personally in an argument. eg. you ALWAYS do this, look at your face blah blah blah.
19. Calling me a cunt, spitting at me, hands round my throat, and to fuck off repeatedly in front of the boys.
20. Projecting your lack of self worth onto me.
21. Rarely complimenting me, now I have left he has said nicer things to me than you have in the last 3 years put together. I've been gone a week.
22. Never giving a reason to doubt my faithfullness, but he still never trusted me implicitly.
23. Everything is always about him, passive aggressive ways of getting his own way.
24. I always did things to make him happy, not me. In the hope he would be in a good mood.
25. Lack of ambition and drive, leaving me to solve everything.
26. No affection outside the bedroom. Literally none.
27. Accusing me of making up reasons not to have sex (We did, at least 3 times a week so he wasn't not getting any, I have had ongoing issues with the coil) but refusal for him to wear condoms.
28. No desire to see me grow or better myself.
29. Miserable and negative about everything, always a pessimist.
30. Twisting what I say or forgetting whole conversations.
31. Making me feel guilty when I travel with work (or if I call home while I am away).
32) Sucking the joy out of every happy occasion: birthdays, weddings, christmas etc.
33) Mean with money.
And yet, I still wonder if it was the right decision....................and feel terrible for leaving him devastated.
face)
