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The Ex ...

(4 Posts)
Hena1982 Mon 20-Feb-17 12:16:59

Hi - i have now been separated from my husband since November 2016 after 15 years of marriage. He cheated on me three times but this last time he mentally abused me along with scars which I have from the past if being violent to me. I feel I am being too nice to my ex and being very accommodating for him to see the kids. I feel very lost 

TheNaze73 Mon 20-Feb-17 14:06:27

You're going to need to elaborate, you're barely making any sense

hellsbellsmelons Mon 20-Feb-17 14:16:51

What do you mean by 'too accommodating'?
Did you move out with the DC?
Are you still in the house with the DC?
Who is the main carer?
How often does he see them?
How often does he have them overnight?

I was way too nice to my ExH but it all worked out nicely in the end for me and my finances.
(until now but that's nothing to do with him)

Hena1982 Mon 20-Feb-17 21:44:57

Sorry for the late reply ...
basically we were childhood sweethearts married quite young, he cheated on me when my son was 15 months (well when I came to know of it) my son is now 13years old.
He then cheated on my again 7 years of being married along with abusive behaviour and sexual abuse. I was pregnant in 2009 and he walked out on me and my son and came grovelling back two weeks before I had my daughter in march 2010. I then found out he had cheated again!! With his sister in law. I found that very hard to deal with and wanted a divorce - I never went through with it all and everyone trying to mediate and getting us together we decided to give it another go.
This June gone (2016) he started mentally abusing me saying I have trust issues and he will never be enough for me etc he continued To mentally abuse and sexually abuse me for 5 months and threatening o leave and that he wanted a divorce. It seemed he was provoking me to kick him out so he could look like a victim to his family. In sept 2016 I found out he was cheating and set him to fail so I collated evidence against him - which I did and had all that I needed.
He moved out in Nov 2016 and we both decided we will be civil for the kids etc

I am the main carer and bb children live with me, we agreed to him seeing them on a Tuesday evening and on a Saturday. Initially he tried to take the kids out and it worked for a couple of weeks, my son was and is still not interested to go out and spend time with him and my daughter isn't she is happier for him to come to the house and spend time with him.

It does work as it suits kids and they're happy with the set up, but I feel like it's an easy ride for him and I'm making it easier for him but then it has its advantages. On some days I can tolerate him being In the house with them other times it's hard to be around him.

Since he has moved out he not mentioned the divorce or pushed for one. Which I don't get. I'm so confused as I don't know whether I should file the divorce as I have the grounds but then I prefer him to. Same time I don't want anything effecting the kids and with my demanding career and being the carer I'm just keeping afloat mentally and physically.

I feel there is so much internal psychological damage that am i making it worse by being so accommodating and him having the leisure of sitting comfortable in my house.

I don't know - feel so lost

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