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(10 Posts)
LetsStartAtTheVeryBeginning Mon 20-Feb-17 04:32:04

I have Asperger's. It means that I have difficulty reading people and understanding situations. I know that. Which, in turn, means that I spend a lot of my life not knowing if the people around me are my friends or not. Or whether my friends like me or not. Or it takes me a while to realise that someone I thought was my friend is actually acting against me. So the advice I'm looking for on this is not "let it just play out" or "see what happens". Because my whole life looks like that and it's really unsettling.

I met someone at the end of November. i met him on POF. He has not checked his online profile since that first date. Due to our work and family commitments, we see each other about once a week. Very occasionally twice. That suits me. We chat via Whatsapp every day to a greater or lesser degree (I don't use the phone and either or both of us has our children with us most days).

I like him. He seems to like me. I'm not seeing anyone else and he says he's not and hasn't been on any dates since he met me.

The thing is, I don't know if we are boyfriend/girlfriend or just 'seeing each other' or 'dating' or what. I need to know really because I won't become emotionally attached until I know that it is safe or appropriate to do so. So I can't just see where it goes because until I know, it won't 'go' anywhere. If that makes sense...

The thing is, I don't know how to broach the subject with him and could do with some advice. Thanks.

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Mon 20-Feb-17 04:37:02

This is me to a tee. I don't trust people etc. unless it is safe.

Does he know you have Aspergers and can you discuss the nature of the relationship with him? Maybe ask for the sake of clarity?

Cricrichan Mon 20-Feb-17 04:37:08

It sounds like you are boyfriend/girlfriend. You've been seeing each other for a few months and neither of you are seeing anyone else.

But if you need clarification from him then ask him what you've asked here.

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Mon 20-Feb-17 04:37:29

Asperger's - phone deleted apostrophe.

LetsStartAtTheVeryBeginning Mon 20-Feb-17 04:54:09

Thanks.

He does know. But I only told him last week and he said he doesn't know a lot about it. It didn't put him off but it also means that he doesn't know I'll be feeling like this.

I suppose I could just message him a variation of my opening post. I just feel like such a tit! Is it usually obvious?

I did go out with someone about 3 years ago and just before travelling overseas to meet his family I ended it because I didn't know what the nature of the relationship was. He was shocked and a bit upset because he thought we'd been boyfriend and girlfriend for 6 months. But because the words had never been said, I just thought it was quite casual and meeting his family didn't feel appropriate. That got sorted out pretty much straight away but I felt stupid and upset, he felt unsettled and upset.

So I don't want to make the same mistake again. But also, I don't really want to hear him say that I'm not his girlfriend! grin

fanniboz Mon 20-Feb-17 04:58:13

I think it's okay to ask. I've got 2/3 months into a relationship and had to ask before grin so I reckon just send a similar message to your opening post

LetsStartAtTheVeryBeginning Mon 20-Feb-17 05:02:50

That's very reassuring, fanniboz! It's not just me then.

Thanks.

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Mon 20-Feb-17 05:02:57

Yes, I think it is ok to ask. Maybe say that as a nature of the condition, you do not always read relationships like everyone else and that you would like/need extra clarity.

I think you will hear what you would like to hear smile Good luck!

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Mon 20-Feb-17 05:13:12

(As in - a positive outcome)!

LetsStartAtTheVeryBeginning Mon 20-Feb-17 07:17:59

Thanks. I've sent him a message.

Just have to wait and see now smile

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