Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Ex-boyfriend and my birthday

(10 Posts)
Agatha44 Mon 20-Feb-17 01:08:36

So after a bit of advice and also for a bit of a vent! If I don't post here I am going to say something to my ex that I will regret in the morning.
I posted on here a couple of months ago about my situation. Ex-boyfriend of 15 years sleeps with a coworker from his office, gets her pregnant after the first/2nd time they sleep together, dumps me and now they are together and baby is due in July. We still have to sell our house so I still need to be in contact with him for that reason.
A couple of weeks ago I told him that for my own healing process I needed to start to forgive those idiots for what they did to me. Bearing in mind he only slept with her 4 months ago it is all still very raw. He messaged me back saying he told his new girlfriend and she opened up to him how much this whole situation has been eating away at her. He even said he knew she had been affected by it but didn't know how much it had affected her. She is constantly worrying about how I am doing and hopes I will be ok. I was so amazed that he told me that. They both singlehandedly turned my life upside down for their own selfish gains! I honestly wish them luck and have no ill-feeling towards them but I don't need to know that shit!
Since then I have made a real effort to keep everything between my ex and I strictly about the house. I saw him briefly yesterday (Sunday) and didn't say anything about anything really. Cut to about an hour ago. He sent me a message saying that he gets the impression I am distancing myself from him. And then wishes me happy birthday for today. That's pleasant enough but the fact that he sent the message so close after midnight when I know he is at her house with her makes me so uneasy. I hate that he gets me so wound up, I am never like this!
He asked me last week to have lunch with him today, we all work in the same company. I said I was busy so then asked if we could hang out because it "would be nice to spend time" with me on my birthday.
That is mad, right? He cannot do what he did to me and then still want to spend time with me. Argh!
Sorry for ranting and thank you to anyone who read through all of the above!

DoloresVanCartier Mon 20-Feb-17 01:12:11

Do you think he's suddenly realised that the grass isn't greener?

Ginkypig Mon 20-Feb-17 01:22:14

He's doing to her what he did to you and he's using her to do it!

He has no respect for the Pearson he is with he has learned nothing from doing to you what he did.

My opinion he is keeping you on the back boiler so he can either try to sleep with you, try to come back to you if he gets bored with her or because if he has some power with you he can get a better deal with the house sale.

He's a fucking dick don't fall for his shit, keep him at arms length untill the house sale goes through then cut contact with the dirty cheating arse for good

DPotter Mon 20-Feb-17 01:32:11

My reading is slightly different from Ginkypig's - he's taken your news about forgiving him as a green light either to be friends or that you want him back.
You need to be firm with him if he asks again - its not appropriate etc. agree with Ginky - he has no respect for you or insight into the effect his actions have had on you. I'd drop him like a hot potato

Littlefrogletx Mon 20-Feb-17 01:55:18

Unless you have children with him, there is no reason to be listening to his shit and how his new gf feels. Who gives a fuck how she feels, why is he telling you this.
Just tell him to fuck off and deal with the house sale through solicitors

TheStoic Mon 20-Feb-17 02:16:03

Of course you're distancing yourself from him, is he thick?

Don't talk to him any more about how you're feeling, or how he is feeling or how his new partner is feeling. Forgiving them is for you, not them.

You can forgive people without wanting them in your lives.

Aquamarine1029 Mon 20-Feb-17 02:24:55

Omg, forget this idiot. He FUCKED UP and he knows it. He's ruined everything and is now trapped with a woman who he's having a child with. Don't give him one more second of your time.

Isetan Mon 20-Feb-17 03:41:39

I know it's hard but for your emotional wellbeing you need to let go and handing out invites for him to crap all over you again, isn't how you do it.

Forgive him and her if you want (but if your really honest with yourself 'forgiveness' wasn't the goal here) but you don't need his or her permission to do that. Forgiveness, closure etc are an internal dialogue and not an external one.

Trying to connect to the person you once thought he was and still want him to be, is only going to cause you more pain because he doesn't exist. Contacting him only gives the twat that he is, opportunities to further demonstrate his twattery.

Wounds don't heal if you pick at them.

Gallavich Mon 20-Feb-17 03:53:00

Does he think he gets to keep
You as a friend mere months after ripping your heart out and shitting on it? confused
Take comfort in the fact that they are a pair of idiots who are basically strangers, and in 5 months will be forced to live in miserable forced domesticity with a baby which will put intolerable strain on them and their 'relationship'. Shags no longer illicit will look less shiny and definitely not worth ending a relationship over, by which time you will have moved on and no longer give a shit about him.

Agatha44 Mon 20-Feb-17 07:35:59

Thankle you everyone. I wasn't sure if I was overreacting!
I know I need to keep my distance and am really trying. I have had such a lovely weekend of birthday treats and now that one tiny sentence from him has put a bit of dampener on the whole thing. I won't let him get me down though!
They have been working together for years but have only been a couple for literally a couple of months. I know I should take comfort in their fucked up situation but it doesn't give me any pleasure because it will be the child that suffers at the end of the day.
Hopefully now he has got the message that he cannot expect us to be like we were. He took that away from us the moment he slept with her and he will never be able to get that back again.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now