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Whats happening, confused

(154 Posts)
Confusedwithwhatsbeenhappening Mon 20-Feb-17 00:00:38

I've been on here such along time, avid nosey parker and rare poster.

But I come here today for... well basically a second opinion, clarity, an outside eye, in fact I don't even know what.

I'm a single parent, work full time trying to parent with a complete nightmare ex (a whole other thread which one day I'll post). Trying to scramble some adult time the best I can and balance everything to the best of my ability.

Well I met someone, been friends for years, awesome, loving caring, offers stability, loves my kids who also love and adore him. Yet there is side to him that I struggle with, I'm not sure struggle is the right word. More confused, hard to understand.

As in basically, he hurts me on occasion. Not all the time, it's kinda hard to explain without sounding like a bitch, as if I'm complaining about nothing but he does things like nips me. Like I said it sounds silly but he laughs, his friends laugh, even I laugh on occasion but it bruises and it hurts. It's nothing nasty or serious as such but it hurts me, I've told him but he still does it. However he's so loving, so tender, he's ace.

He has older kids than I do, grown ups in fact late teens. He likes to drink a beer at the pub with his mates and then I pick him up afterwards, not all the time but usually because that's not my thing. He watches the football on a Sunday but I'm more of a rugby fan. I'm not adverse to alcohol but I enjoy it with my friends, doing what I enjoy.

Well today I went round and he's ended up bursting my lip, I don't even know why or how, just a flap and mess about and I've got a fat lip and he's asleep now. With me sat here, trying to work out what the hell im going to say at work tomorrow.

It's bullshit, my entire post is tripe, I realise now that writing it is not even comparable to others and isn't even worth reading. Ergh I'm so stupid and I really have no idea what im asking.

Babylonmood Mon 20-Feb-17 00:03:35

That's horrible! Don't minimise this. He's a nasty bully. Draw a line - no more.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy Mon 20-Feb-17 00:04:01

you're venting... and i think that's normal and fair given how confused you sound.

somebody hurting you is not good op. if you've been lurking on here you know that.

pinching and play fighting is one thing- but how on earth have you ended up with a burst lip? was he angry? were you both fannying around?

fc301 Mon 20-Feb-17 00:05:01

Holy fuck. Get rid of him NOW.

HerOtherHalf Mon 20-Feb-17 00:05:31

Focus on the what rather than worrying about the why. He hurts you repeatedly. That's all you need to know. You do know it will get progressively worse don't you?

SleepFreeZone Mon 20-Feb-17 00:05:38

How did he bust your lip?

LuluJakey1 Mon 20-Feb-17 00:05:49

It isn't tripe. I have been with DH almost 9 years and he has never hurt me once.
Nipping is deliberatly inflicting pain.
A split lip caused through drunkenness is worrying.
My advice would be dump him. Nothing makes someone who hurts you worth it.

LucyLocketLostIt Mon 20-Feb-17 00:06:52

I'm so sorry. He's abusing you. You really do need to LTB.

Confusedwithwhatsbeenhappening Mon 20-Feb-17 00:09:37

TrollTheRespawnJeremy I think I am just venting.

Thank you all so much for replying, I just think I'm making mountains out of mole hills.

ExplodedCloud Mon 20-Feb-17 00:10:27

He's physically hurting you?
In the early days?
No. Walk away. It will progress further.

ExplodedCloud Mon 20-Feb-17 00:12:20

If you stay you'll be making molehills out of mountains...

AnyFucker Mon 20-Feb-17 00:12:44

He is a wolf in sheep's clothing

Perhaps you need to get a bone broken before you wake up ? How would you advise one of your children in this situation ?

antimatter Mon 20-Feb-17 00:18:28

His behaviour is terrible.
You aren't making mountains out of mole hills!
He is hurting you.
He isn't hurting his mates, kids or random people in the pub.
He takes pleasure from onflicting pain in public on you.

iogo Mon 20-Feb-17 00:18:56

My DH used to pinch the inside leg of my jeans because he liked rubbing the fabric. The second time it actually nipped me, I nipped him back, told him it fucking hurt and to stop it. Hasn't done it again in 15 years.

He's hurting you. Tell him to stop and if he doesn't, then leave. Thin edge of the wedge.

PurpleDaisies Mon 20-Feb-17 00:20:09

How did he bust your lip?

Confusedwithwhatsbeenhappening Mon 20-Feb-17 00:20:24

Anyfuker, I see what you are saying. I'd advise my children to be with a person that makes them happy, loves them, respects them and supports them in the choices they make.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy Mon 20-Feb-17 00:23:11

I think you're venting for good reason though. It doesnt sound normal OP. Maybe you should take stock of the situation and really consider whether you're being treated properly- as you deserve.

Confusedwithwhatsbeenhappening Mon 20-Feb-17 00:24:37

The burst lip is silly, he bought Chinese, I don't eat Chinese, especially since I was pregnant with my first child, I loved it before then but somehow pregnancy just turned it right off and I've not touched it since.

I went for a shower, he came up flapping, I flapped, I got the burst lip. My fault, I'm a dick really.

PurpleDaisies Mon 20-Feb-17 00:26:30

If he hit you that's entirely his fault. You're not the dick, he is.

jayho Mon 20-Feb-17 00:32:10

NO
just No
You told him how you feel about the way he talks to you, he disregarded it.

Now he's hit you, you are minimising

Stop and end, please

AshesandDust Mon 20-Feb-17 00:33:31

I'd be tempted to knee him in the balls and laugh every time he pinched me.
Some people just don't listen - you have to demonstrate the consequences to make them realise.

DoJo Mon 20-Feb-17 00:42:38

A relationship that is only good when one person isn't deliberately hurting the other one isn't a good relationship. It was just 'nipping' (utterly unacceptable by the way) and now it's a bust lip? I cannot tell you how much I don't believe that this will be as bad as it gets. You deserve better, your children deserve better and he deserves to be alone until he can keep his violent hands to himself. Please get out of this he did anything else- he wasn't 'flapping', he was bursting your lip.

FlowerOfTheValley Mon 20-Feb-17 00:43:47

Firstly you are minimising and blaming yourself. You don't get a cut lip from both of you 'flapping'. If he has given you a cut lip it is because he has been violent to you in some way. It is his fault not yours.

Secondly he nips you, you have told him it hurts and not to nip you. His response - to continue nipping you. He is showing you no respect or care and disregards your feelings so he can hurt you. Tender, caring men do not hurt their partner.

pieceofpurplesky Mon 20-Feb-17 00:45:37

Flapping? What exactly Is flapping that can cause a thick lip?
He is physically abusing you. This relationship has potential to damage your children.

PavlovianLunge Mon 20-Feb-17 00:47:10

OP, I'm going to copy a post I made earlier to a poster whose friend is suffering DV; this is about a friend of my DM...

Five days after they married, her husband hit her (DM didn't know her then), and has abused her, physically and emotionally, since. At the age of 85, he still threatens her with violence. He is an evil, worthless piece of shit, and should be in the ground. Anyway, that was more than 50 years ago, and they are still together. DM has talked to her about leaving, and has done since they became friends in the 70s, but all to no avail, and now it's too late.

You're not making a mountain out of a molehill. This is physical abuse. It's assault. Get out now and don't look back.

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