Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Not angry enough

(6 Posts)
Sammyhb Sun 19-Feb-17 22:48:25

So I need some advice please....

STBXH left 8 months ago saying he didn't think monogamy was for him (yes really!) after 15 years together and 2DC now aged 8 and 6. At the time I was shocked and thought we'd been working through our rough patch, since then have found out he was caught shagging a colleague at the office Christmas do three years ago and since leaving he's hooked up with a 25 year old different colleague (he's 40).

So I've lawyered up, we go to court on Tuesday to work out finances which has taken quite a lot of effort to do (for someone who doesn't believe in monogamy he sure doesn't want to get divorced - he ignored the first set of papers and had to be personally served with the second set. He flannelled his way through three mediation sessions without giving away any of his financial info). Now he's been forced to reveal some of his financial position (he has seven different companies - I only knew about one - and three more bank accounts that I didn't know about).

He is really ridiculously nice to my face, despite being a backstabbing arsehole so I'm not sure how I'm going to get through the court appearance, I'm also not sure what to expect. He hasn't lodged any objections to my financial paperwork but I'm not sure what will happen on the day, whether he will be amicable or a total raving maniac (he states he looks after the children 50% of the time in his legal papers - it's actually 27 hours a week and when I challenged him on it he said the overnights when they stay with me don't count because they're asleep). How do I deal with that level of crazy in a calm way? Also annoyingly I'm not at the angry stage of grief anymore, I'm just sad so I'm worried I'm going to roll over too easily as I just want it to be over now.

Any thoughts or advice gratefully received, TIA.

noego Mon 20-Feb-17 14:27:15

Total disclosure of finances is required by law, if not declared could be construed as perjury.
Let the lawyers deal with it and relax. Draw a line in the sand and instruct your legal team.
For example 60/40 finances. 60/40 childcare. Your legal people should advise you.
Try not to worry.

Sammyhb Mon 20-Feb-17 20:02:40

Thankyou noego, I'm dreading tomorrow but you're right the legal people are there to argue what is fair and what isn't

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Mon 20-Feb-17 20:05:20

Take deep breaths and don't agree to things just to make the day go quicker. . This is your opportunity to get things the way YOU want them for you and your dc. Don't let him make you so anxious you agree to things you don't want to happen.
Good luck.

Sammyhb Mon 20-Feb-17 21:26:49

Thankyou, I'm going to write down what I want to get out of it so I'm focused on the day, that's a good idea

Teabay Mon 20-Feb-17 21:56:31

Great idea - also write down what you DON'T want in bullet points on a post it, and keep it in your pocket.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now