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Issues when DCs are with the exH?

(5 Posts)
Greypaw Sun 19-Feb-17 20:52:44

I've spoken on here before about my abusive exH. I've had some concerns for a while about his care of our DCs when they are with him, and have been to a solicitor about it in the past (issues of neglect) but he doesn't really pay much attention. The next step would be to apply to the court for supervised contact, but I really want to speak to someone first to talk through the things I'm unhappy about. Does anyone have any experience of this? Apart from a solicitor, I don't know who to go to go get impartial advice.

It's cumulative stuff, inappropriate things here and there with each incident on their own probably not sounding like much, but I worry about the way they're adding up. The latest incident happened when DCs came back from their last contact weekend, and DS (6) asked me if I'd ever been to a strip club. I asked him what he meant, and he said "a strip club like Rhino". I asked him where he'd heard about this and what he knew about it, and he said his exH and gf had told him about what happens there, that ladies dance and take their clothes off, and that they'd both been to see it. Later on that evening he was clearing out his pockets of pokemon cards and asked me "what does this mean?", handing me a card he'd picked up for escort services. I asked him where he'd got it and if his dad knew he'd picked it up, and he said his dad knew and said he could keep it. I did contact exH about it but of course just got a mouthful.

Argh. Am probably being unreasonable but I just want to talk to someone about it all.

zaffa87 Sun 19-Feb-17 20:59:36

Hi OP someone who knows more about these things will be along soon I'm sure - but that sounds really inappropriate on your exH part and I definitely don't think you're over reacting. I couldn't ever imagine having that sort of conversation with any child of six, whether they were mine or anyone else's. Sometimes it's really crap to have to co parent with someone when they clearly have such different ideas of what's ok for the children - but I think you're completely right to be concerned. It's not abuse as such but it's definitely inappropriate. flowers

Greypaw Sun 19-Feb-17 21:04:55

Thanks zaffa, it's really nice to have someone understand. Yes, many of the incidences are not abusive, but are inappropriate. It's horrible to have your six year old son ask you over dinner "mummy have you ever been to a strip club". Just unpleasant, and makes me worry about the consequences if he, say, asked one of his teachers the same question.

thethoughtfox Wed 22-Feb-17 20:47:54

You might need to speak to SS. This is strange sexualising behaviour. Your child will tell others or suggest acting these things out. You need to do something before this escalates.

SandyY2K Wed 22-Feb-17 21:26:12

I suggest you contact the safeguarding team at your local authority. It's highly inappropriate and your son needs to be protected from that.

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