I've realised my marriage is somewhat toxic. A few weeks ago I told my husband I didn't want to be with him anymore. He acted like it was all a huge surprise even though we've been having a bad time for years, and I've been trying to tell him there is something wrong /I'm not happy but he always just deflected and managed to make me feel it's just me being crazy/emotional /irrational and therefore he is just fine ( and so must our relationship be). Anyway he made a huge dramatic thing of it all and begged me for another chance. I literally could not deal with the drama, and didn't want the baby around it, so I agreed. Since then he's been pretty close to perfect. But I can't bear him touching me, at all. He is constantly trying to hug and kiss me, even though I told him that I'm in a traumatised state from years of just basically having sex with him to stop him throwing a massive strop. Not sure what I am asking really. Am I being unreasonable asking him to give me as much physical space as I need to feel better? I've been having counselling and have anxiety because of all this, amongst other things. It's like I've just woken up to the crappiness of our relationship, but for some reason I feel guilty because he claims he had no idea he was treating me badly for all these years, that he was stressed and had no other outlet. I don't know.
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