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AIBU to feel annoyed?

(4 Posts)
bananamuncher Sun 19-Feb-17 20:48:45

I've realised my marriage is somewhat toxic. A few weeks ago I told my husband I didn't want to be with him anymore. He acted like it was all a huge surprise even though we've been having a bad time for years, and I've been trying to tell him there is something wrong /I'm not happy but he always just deflected and managed to make me feel it's just me being crazy/emotional /irrational and therefore he is just fine ( and so must our relationship be). Anyway he made a huge dramatic thing of it all and begged me for another chance. I literally could not deal with the drama, and didn't want the baby around it, so I agreed. Since then he's been pretty close to perfect. But I can't bear him touching me, at all. He is constantly trying to hug and kiss me, even though I told him that I'm in a traumatised state from years of just basically having sex with him to stop him throwing a massive strop. Not sure what I am asking really. Am I being unreasonable asking him to give me as much physical space as I need to feel better? I've been having counselling and have anxiety because of all this, amongst other things. It's like I've just woken up to the crappiness of our relationship, but for some reason I feel guilty because he claims he had no idea he was treating me badly for all these years, that he was stressed and had no other outlet. I don't know. hmm

teresa2003 Sun 19-Feb-17 20:59:47

If it's got to the point you can't bear him touching you l think its unlikely you'll ever come back from that. I stayed with my exh for a decade after he started treating me better after a similiar ultimatum and l spent the next ten years thinking every which way l could to avoid having sex with him which is no way to live. He literally made my skin crawl and that never went away l'm afraid and like you it was because of the treatment from him in previous years. I deserved an Oscar during those years and l really will never forgive myself for keeping on trying to feel different all those years. No-one should ever have sex with anyone or feel coerced to when they don't want to. I think you should make a clean break. My exh did the fastrack from abuser to victim routine. It's pathetic frankly l can see that now

Kikikaakaa Sun 19-Feb-17 21:01:32

All I see in your post is that you went back to make him stop having a strop, which worked, like it always did in the past with sex. Has he really changed? He's still not listening to you needing space?
It sounds like you have checked out emotionally a long time ago and now don't really want to be there anymore.
Asking for space is not unreasonable. He should be respecting you but he's clearly never done that before so it's not coming easy to him now confused

TrollTheRespawnJeremy Sun 19-Feb-17 21:02:56

Sorry OP. I don't have anything optimistic to add. When you start feeling like that, in my opinion, it's impossible to come back from.

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