Sorry for the long post. I suppose I'm just writing to get some release. I'm worried for my marriage and don't know how to make things better.
My husband has a strong personality which was one of the attributes that I was attracted to when we first met 10 years ago. He was charming, polite and very complimentary. Fast forward 10 years and we bicker every day. I find myself isolated as we have a very small immediate family (they don't know what is going on" and I have no close friends. We both are professional working full time.
My husband is very vocal about things. An example if I've put on too much weight he will tell me. If I'm wearing something unflattering he will tell me with out being asked. He often tells me that I'm "doing things wrong" and of course he states our sex live is boring and virtually non existent as we argue a lot. His new comment is "I moan at him all the time", "I sulk","other wife's don't do this", "i cant wait to get back to work away from you" my list could continue for many hours. He constantly states that he works long hours, is trying to renovate our house and do child care and that he does "everything". The thing is he doesn't, I also work full time, with a long commute in a stressful job and take as much responsibility with childcare yet I don't feel the need to constantly shout about it. I cook, clean, (which he states I don't do properly), washing shopping, homework and help with DIY when I can. We both pay the bills. What I don't understand is that he wont accept the hurtful, comments he makes cannot be swept under the table. If I bring them again when he calms down again "I'm whinging". He constantly makes loud "sighs" to things he disapproves on such as house being untidy, my driving etc If I comment on it "I'm starting an argument".
We tried marriage counselling last year for 6 months but had to stop due to work commitments. On a couple of occasions his charming façade slipped and he said some hurtful comments which the marriage counsellor stated were unacceptable.
I'm sure I'm not the easiest person to live with and have many annoying traits. Yet my husband calls me volatile, spoilt, demanding etc. Yet I have never ever be called this by anyone other than my husband in fact its the way round as people tell me m too generous and too soft. It is like having a relationship with a sulky teenager! Yet when he meets other people work colleagues etc you would never know, he is Mr Charming!
I feel when I look at him now he has already given up on us. He seems to have lost interest in me. Yes I've put on weight since we have met and don't feel so attractive but so has he, yet I still love him dearly. I have said so many times to him that I do not want to separate which feels ironic to me because he's so demanding and shows little interest in saving us. I worry he has interest in some one else as he is so critical of me. My self esteem is so low.
I don't know what I'm asking for on this forum, I know there is not a magic answer. Sorry for the long post but I needed to vent.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
How to make things better with my husband
harrasedmom · 19/02/2017 20:36
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