Help! I'm feeling so confused and low and I just don't know what to do - wondering if this is the end of my marriage?
Bit of background, been with DH 15 years married for half of this, two children (youngest 7 mo). Both are our first loves.
We've had our ups and downs and I've looked for support on here at times. After my first born I had some trust issues after finding out something about DH (not cheating as such but still very hurtful in my eyes), we had marriage counselling and we pulled through the other side and got back to a relatively good time. Had second DC and had quite a traumatic birth, stitches and lot of blood loss so felt very week for weeks after.
So firstly despite knowing how unwell I was feeling and totally not up for sex my DH out an enormous amount of pressure on me to have sex after only 4 weeks. I have in but made it clear to him how much pain I was in. We stopped but he wanted to try again a couple of weeks later so twice before I'd even had my 6 week check. Again I gave in but again showed how much pain I was in. There felt like little sympathy for how I was feeling as long as his needs were being met. I can only feel such resentment for this time and how he put his needs before my welfare. I've raised this with him since and he just says 'you're bringing this up again!'. He is constantly putting pressure on me for sex despite knowing I'm exhausted and have absolutely zero sex drive. I give in occasional but its still not enough for him. He's smothering and is showering me is kisses and affection and had a go at me when I don't reciprocate- but whenever he touches me now I just want him to stop and I dont want to kiss him back, it feels forced all the time and he's noticed this. He tells me I should be flattered as all he wants is me and how much he loves me etc.
I'm worried that I'm falling out of love with him. I don't want to, I want us to go back to how we were, his sex drive never seemed this high before and we had a good relationship in the main. But I don't know how to get past this? I can't help but think these feelings stem from his pressure on those first few weeks, resentment for the way he treated me. Every bit of affection he shows I know wants to lead to sex. I can't trust that a kiss is just a kiss .
On top of this I'm feeling swamped with two kids, I've had one morning to myself in 7 months and weve had one date night together. I'm exhausted, I want me time. He goes to the gym at the weekend or currently is out go carting with his mates. And yet today I asked to stay home to sort house out on my own rather than go to MiL and his reaction was that I was just trying to get out of seeing her. I wasn't I just wanted to be in thr house alone!! We argued and its just horrible. My little one has seen us argue and gets upset when it happens, I told DH we should never argue in front of him again but he flies off the handle and I can't help but try to fight back. He later is all sweetness and roses and apologises saying how much he loves me etc but I'm tired of feeling like an underappreciated SAHM / sex slave!
I dont know what to do. I really dont want to split up, but how do I get through to him about his behaviour and get him to truly listen. I tell him all the time but he laughs it off. Or would others in this situation call it a day?
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How do you know when it's the end?
17 replies
Stillintoyou · 19/02/2017 18:08
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