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Online dating - ambivalent about acquiring a "relationship"!

(10 Posts)
ColumbosCousin Sun 19-Feb-17 17:24:49

I've started online dating. Really to make some male friends, maybe someone special and romance smile and even sex grin, and so forth.

However, I am in my 50s, and realistically I have been single most of my life. I can't see myself married or shacking up tbh, and I am really quite happy in my own space and so forth. Want to meet someone genuine and serious, but probably quite part-time. but don't want a "nothing serious" FWB or f-buddy.

Do you think this is possible? How can I present myself? Saying "nothing serious" sounds like FWB. But saying you want a "relationship" sounds like welded at the hip (to me anyway). Any thoughts? As I'm typing this I'm thinking I'm probably over-thinking, right?!!!!! I just don't want to mis-represent myself.

Bant Sun 19-Feb-17 17:32:24

Well on most OLD sites, there are preset options.

On Pof, for example, there's 'wants to date but nothing serious', looking for a relationship' and 'wants to find someone to marry'

I'd say you were the middle of those three options. You can always explain your expectations in future, but the first one will have people assuming you're looking for a fwb, and the last one is the welded at the hip thing

ColumbosCousin Sun 19-Feb-17 17:35:46

haha Bant, thats right, I am betwixt-between. And well I am on PoF as well! I think I am over-thinking things. I will just put relationship and leave it at that! On a man's profile when I see "Dating but nothing serious" always makes me think 'playing the field'

PollyPerky Sun 19-Feb-17 17:36:09

I think it's highly possible! I'm not single and not OLD but I have know men (friends) who are also like you- own house and managing fine after divorce etc- who say they'd like a partner, but not the 'full living in the same house thing.' I think if you can find someone who is happy in their own house and is within a reasonable distance, there is no reason why you can't be together but live in your own homes as well, for some of the time.

I think I'd present myself as wanting a relationship, but not necessarily wanting to live with someone all of the time.

TBH it's the sort of conversation to have once you have met someone not at the start before you've had a date!

ColumbosCousin Sun 19-Feb-17 17:37:37

^ Yes agree

ColumbosCousin Sun 19-Feb-17 17:37:53

Thanks smile

noego Sun 19-Feb-17 17:40:15

I understand and get what you mean. I love to be totally independent, financially, physically and psychologically.

I also like female company now and again, platonically and sexually. So have a mixed array of female friends. Some are purely platonic and we meet for breakfast, lunch, dinner, coffee, cinema etc. With others there is physical attraction that is sometimes (not always) intimate. Although all my relationships are intimate in a emotional way.

If on OLD then surely your profile should say something like
"looking for friends, companions, to date, spend time with but not a serious relationship, must be single and independent"

TBH, I have met my female friends through both OLD and RL.


PollyPerky Sun 19-Feb-17 17:40:22

Good luck flowers

LesisMiserable Sun 19-Feb-17 17:46:35

I met my partner two and half years ago on Tinder. We are in a totally committed monogamous relationship and we're getting married in a couple of months. We currently live 60 miles away from each other and that wont change immediately after getting married - and we are both very very ok with that 😊 Iiving together 24/7 isn't for everyone and thats fine. Relationships are about mental and physical connection , not confinement.

ColumbosCousin Sun 19-Feb-17 17:48:20

Relationships are about mental and physical connection , not confinement

^ True

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