DP and I are usually okay. The romance is gone (the sex is dead- he was a prolific porn user he says he has stopped but doubt it) and I don't think he finds me attractive anymore. He assures me he does but I think otherwise.
He really thinks he does the best by me etc but then will also say he can be a dick at times. I do not get on with his family (they're very superficial people and make a lot of comments about me behind my back about me and family) but he doesn't like them much either.
Our problem is that he drinks, a lot. He doesn't see it as a lot but he cannot and will not stop at one. He has a few and has to have a full on session. Tonight, he told me he feels too unwell to see me (we don't live together after 5 years because we are young and are saving) and that he wants to spend the night at home. That's fine, he then rings me to say he's already had some shots after work and has decided to go out with the boys. I have no problem with him going out, I like him to go out but I don't appreciate being ditched for him to then go out. He doesn't see this as disrespectful. This happens regularly. I even said this would happen earlier today.
We often talk about plans for the future and when he does something like this he often brings it up as a way to butter me up. Recently he went out, when we had agreed he wouldn't go to certain places because they are primarily there for single people etc, he went anyway and whilst there got talking to somebody who temps at his job. After talking for five minutes, she then kissed him, to which he told her no I am with somebody blah blah blah and apparently spoke to her about me for five minutes after. It took him nearly a week to tell me about this and then lied when I asked him who it was- he said he didn't know. I knew there was something missing and he eventually said he knew who she was, told me, and then said he didn't say initially because he didn't want me to cause a problem about it.
We have no children but plan to once we are more settled and I finish my course. I am open to anybody telling me that I am being a wanker or overly sensitive. He says I should cut him a break but I think this behavior is unacceptable. I am not without my faults, I am by nature a bit of a loner (he seems to think this is why I cause an issue when he goes out, not the excessive drinking, secrets or women could be bothering me). I am quite firey (in a stroppy way not violent or anything) and do have a certain standard for how I would like to be treated- is that really that bad?
Any advice greatly appreciated or reminders that some men aren't total tossers.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Is he a twat? Should I leave? (long)
user1487449333 · 18/02/2017 20:43
Thank you so much for the honesty. It sounds so awful when I write it down.
A part of me thinks who else will have me?
I know he's saving, he earns well and is putting a lot away. But that isn't really the problem, though I appreciate him going out doesnt help.
He does have good points, I'm trying desperately to remember them 
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I never thought the lack of sex was a serious enough reason, maybe it is.
Thanks everyone- he's no teenager he's 24 
Are you on glue??
You are young, you don't live together, ditch him - you are worth so so so so much more!
How can you even have children if the sex is long gone 
you should still be in honeymoon shagging phase after 5 years and not living together...
A part of me thinks who else will have me?
Well, you'll never find out if you stick with the drunken porn addict. I should add "lying" to that - too ill to see you but not too ill to go out on the razz, sure, that happens . Give him the old heave-ho, and make room in your life for someone who actually likes spending time in your company. I bet you're not as ugly and boring as you think you are 
well apprently...It sounds like it has run its course 
It's sad but don't wait until you have too many ties and it's harder to leave
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.