Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Single after an awful lot of years - how to learn how to flirt again?

(65 Posts)
HTCPCPTEA Sat 18-Feb-17 20:09:36

Flirt isn't really the right word, but not quite sure how to express it. Was with now ex-H for 26 years (we got together when I was 21) - split up some months ago after a difficult few years. I've now got to the place where I'd definitely be interested in someone anyone to sleep with another relationship.
But I think I've totally lost the plot on how to do this! There's a rather attractive bloke I know, and a couple of times he's made comments I could have picked up on & I just totally closed down (eg mentioning he hadn't seen a film when I was expressing interest in it, not exactly anything but might be IYKWIM - 30 years ago I'd have said 'I'm going next Tuesday &'ll have space in the car if you wanted to see it & were free' - I just randomly carried on the conversation with someone else there). There's been a couple of other similar situations (different person)
Has anyone else had this problem after being in a relationship for years and years. Or am I just weird confused ???

HTCPCPTEA Sat 18-Feb-17 21:03:25


EElisavetaOfBelsornia Sat 18-Feb-17 21:07:48

I can't help I'm afraid, I'm also newly single and utterly rubbish at flirting. But I hope it's ok to be here for solidarity, and to benefit from any tips from the more adept.

HTCPCPTEA Sat 18-Feb-17 21:17:06

Solidarity would be great smile I just feel totally at sea - perhaps someone will come along and give us both some ideas.

HappyAxolotl Sat 18-Feb-17 21:19:31

Another one signing in for solidarity - fist-bump! Been single most of my adult life due to having all the flirtatious allure of a baked spud. But we can support and learn together right?

HTCPCPTEA Sat 18-Feb-17 21:20:50

Yay for solidarity!

Soopermum1 Sat 18-Feb-17 21:24:33

Solidarity fist bump. In exactly the same situation. My single friends are all over Tinder etc, meeting guys, talking to guys, dating them, shagging them and I barely feel like I've passed the starting line despite feeling in a good place and ready to get out there

AutumnRose1988 Sat 18-Feb-17 21:26:42

I am pretty good at the flirting stuff - can I help?

Firstly you need to pamper and treat yourself and feel good in your own skin.

You need to really focus on staying calm. Holding eye contact just slightly longer than you should and good natured teasing is always good. X

HTCPCPTEA Sat 18-Feb-17 21:33:38

Soopermum that's exactly like me - my friends may lament being single, but they're out there talking to guys, sleeping with them (being blunt, that's mainly what I'm after right now - not looking for a serious relationship). I think part of the problem is I'm very happy being self sufficient and having space - and maybe I put that out there too much.

HappyAxolotl Sat 18-Feb-17 22:19:25

I think part of the problem is I'm very happy being self sufficient and having space - and maybe I put that out there too much.

Me too OP. I'm used to being by myself, taking care of my own needs and making my own stuff happen, and my friends tell me this is off-putting as men like to feel needed. I seem to give off a happy-alone-so-don't-even-try-mate vibe.

I definitely don't need a bloke but it would be nice to date one!

Blushingm Sat 18-Feb-17 22:40:23

Newly single too - I can flirt but always assume I've got no chance!

Gah81 Sun 19-Feb-17 01:25:10

I used to be very shy but when I was first entering the dating scene, someone told me to pretend you find the other person interesting and utterly absorbing, as if they are the most fascinating person you have met. Some friendly touching e.g a light nudge of the arm when you/they make a joke should be done as well. I started doing both of these and it works beautifully.

Gah81 Sun 19-Feb-17 01:26:03

Oh and the light hearted teasing that is mentioned above also works well!

AutumnRose1988 Sun 19-Feb-17 06:58:38

Gah81 couldn't have put it better's the totally absorbed thing-it works. It's not acting like a bimbo in order to be accepted but entering into the spirit of things and doing the dance lol after all, who doesn't want to feel witty and attractive? I think it makes you come across as more carefree which is an attractive quality also. The teasing works (especially with lots of smiling) as it's almost like saying "give me attention" and that you want things to be a little less polite and a little bit more passionate and fiery x

SallyGinnamon Sun 19-Feb-17 07:55:58

Kudos to you for wanting to! If DH left I'd be a nun cos I couldn't face taking my clothes off in front of anyone now!

noego Sun 19-Feb-17 08:20:41

A simple smile, A joyful Hi with eye contact, a flick of the hair, a sexy look, come to bed eyes.
Come on girls how hard can it be????

Oooooooooooooozzzzzzze confidence!!

Only a simpleton wouldn't pick up on these signals.

DrMorbius Sun 19-Feb-17 08:22:46

There is a thread on her about Valentine's that led to a discussion on flirting. Someone posted an interesting statistic, that men miss 3 out of 5 body language signals given off by women blushblush

HTCPCPTEA Sun 19-Feb-17 08:58:58

"Come on girls how hard can it be????"
I could do that at a party with a stranger and no kids in tow. Sadly I'm more likely to be standing by a sports field in kit with a bunch of 10 year olds hanging around . . . (I do know the bloke in that particular scenario is single, just to be clear!)
"If DH left I'd be a nun cos I couldn't face taking my clothes off in front of anyone now!"
I am slightly ignoring the fact that last time I had sex with someone else John Major was PM. But ex H managed it and I am more attractive than him

HTCPCPTEA Sun 19-Feb-17 09:02:29

Where I live doesn't help - there isn't really a 'dating scene' - more of a bring-and-share given the relative number of single women vs single men.

I did contemplate trying Tinder, but I have a very nasty feeling I would know all of the people on there within a 30 mile radius - I'm now trying to make u my mind if that matters grin

noego Sun 19-Feb-17 09:19:26

Football fields, Tesco's, Aldi, Starbucks, Costa, Pubs, Garden centres, School gates, B&Q, Nail bars, Car parks...... the list of places to flirt is endless.

Boots is my favourite when a woman is having a make over!!

HTCPCPTEA Sun 19-Feb-17 09:45:07

Nearest Starbucks 70 miles away, & Costa 30, so maybe a little impractical, and I can't think of the last time I went shopping and met someone I didn't already know . . . But yes, I take your wider point.

noego Sun 19-Feb-17 10:03:22


You can always practice on me smile Flirting on line, now there is a challenge smile

Fancy a chat some time? smile

AutumnRose1988 Sun 19-Feb-17 20:28:58

70miles from a Starbucks? Where do you live? Antarctica?

AutumnRose1988 Sun 19-Feb-17 20:29:38

Oh and noego...stop being creepy. No likey no lighty dude x

Sadik Sun 19-Feb-17 20:47:14

It's really true, I checked their store locator! It's just a bit of a rural area - we do have plenty of independent cafes though, so it's a bit of a cheat.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: