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Think they drink too much? Or just different to me?

(16 Posts)
Waitingforsleep Sat 18-Feb-17 19:42:17

Not sure if my newish friend has a drink problem or its that I don't really drink.
We went out last night for an Italian, I met her in town but when we got there it was obvious she has already been drinking. She knew I was driving and it was a meal type night out. So I sat there sober whilst she slurred her way through the meal. If I was on a date I would have bailed!
I have noticed she seems to drink a lot. Not sure what to do or just to tail it off as maybe we are just different. Anyone had the same?

IonaNE Sat 18-Feb-17 19:46:56

I think it's bl**dy rude to arrive at a meal drunk. I'd get rid of her tbh. (I don't drink either and don't enjoy the company of people who are drunk.)

RandomMess Sat 18-Feb-17 19:49:00

If that isn't a rude one off then yeah she has a drink problem...

There are an awful lot of functioning alcoholics out there!

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 18-Feb-17 19:49:37

Well if it's that she was early and had a wine in an empty stomach that went to her head... understandable. But maybe not.

MagicChicken Sat 18-Feb-17 19:51:21

Er....I don't think this is necessarily an indication of a drink problem, youdont have to have a problem to get tipsy from time to time but it was a bit out of order to turn up already pissed if she knew it was just going to be the two of you and that you don't even drink. Had she been for some after work drinks with colleagues before she met you, and got a bit carried away?

Waitingforsleep Sat 18-Feb-17 19:51:26

One time when we went out (to have a meal and few drinks) she had already had a bottle of wine before she left the house. Mentions wine a lot too when talking which makes me wonder. I do drink but not the same amount and my instinct is there is a problem. Sad though as we do get on but the slurring at the meal felt horrible I could t talk in the end and wanted the night to be over so think there isn't much a way forward

Waitingforsleep Sat 18-Feb-17 19:52:50

She was just at home. I do drink but she knew I would be driving that night so if it were me I would have only had one or two drinks if the other person sober.

DoloresAbernathy Sat 18-Feb-17 19:53:55

If it's a newish friend maybe this was a one off for her and like above she may have just not eaten and it went straight to her head, probably give her the benefit of the doubt unless it happens regularly

DorisDay88 Sat 18-Feb-17 20:04:37

If you like her it would be a shame to drop her - could you maybe do daytime activities like shopping, walking, visiting new places, spas, concerts etc that wouldn't necessarily involve drinking? Just a thought.

BabyHamster Sat 18-Feb-17 20:06:29

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt as it's only happened once but yes it's very rude to turn up drunk to meet a friend!

BrownEyedLady Sat 18-Feb-17 20:33:19

A bottle of wine before going out is a LOT in my opinion - it's about as much as I can handle. If you don't enjoy the friendship, just move on. I have friends that drink way more than me but are fun to be around and we spend lots of time sober together too.

MagicChicken Sun 19-Feb-17 04:55:10

I must admit I like a drink, I really do, but some of my friends drink waaaay more than me and they don't seem to think they've had a good time unless they end the evening absolutely slaughtered. I hate that and I find it quite tedious to be around. I am usually the first to leave a party once it gets to the stage where you can't have a coherent conversation with anyone!

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Sun 19-Feb-17 09:28:33

Is she socially anxious? Maybe it's a nerves thing, drinking to try to relax before arriving. I'm not saying that's a sensible approach, but I've been guilty of it in the past. Although a whole bottle is a LOT!

kath6144 Sun 19-Feb-17 10:45:01

She may have a drink problem, but as someone else said, she may just be using it to kerb anxiety or stress. It doesn't necessarily mean you should stop being friends, but may re assess what you do?

My best friend from uni drinks a lot more than me. She is married but they don't have DC, a choice as she preferred developing her corporate career. She and her DH drink at least a bottle each a few nights a week at home, to relax. I think her need probably started early on in her career, going on work nights out. I know she has mentioned drink driving a long time ago, though she now works in London so that wouldn't happen now.

I think as the years have gone on, they have got used to drinking lots and they have had to up the quantity to get the same level of relaxation.

I was never a particularly big drinker, but have tailed off to virtually nothing through having kids, needing to be sober in case of emergencies when DH working away, and being susceptible to migraines, more so after drinking.

For years she has made comments about how I need to drink more, I just ignore or laugh them off. She cant understand how I can exist without the level of alcohol she drinks, I cannot understand why they need to drink so much. They came to visit us last year (I have generally met her and other girls for girlie weekends) and had got through a bottle even before dinner on first night. DH and I had a glass each, maybe a bit more, all evening!!!

I would never drop our friendship, we are now in mid fifties, so been friends a long time, I have just accepted we have different attitudes to/need for alcohol

Given that this has happened before, suggests she needs alcohol for whatever reason. As a pp said, maybe try and arrange meet ups in the day? Or if she drives, that she has to drive to (assuming she wouldn't drink then drive?)

Haffdonga Sun 19-Feb-17 10:49:08

I agree that a bottle at home before going out for a drink sounds a lot. And it is a drink problem because it's affecting her behaviour and friendships i.e. with you.

I'd choose to pull back.

NormaSmuff Sun 19-Feb-17 10:54:45

i agree you need to meet places where drink is not an option. it might just be her crux for anxiety

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