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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Dating woes for bi people.

44 replies

veryunsureabputdating · 18/02/2017 16:50

I'm a single dad to 2 beautiful kids.

My ex left us about 4 years ago and I've been single since.

I recently tried online dating, however I've not done so well.

The last one decided I was "dirty" as I admitted to her I was kind of bi.

I'm not interested in relationships with other men, I just enjoy certain aspects of the sexual side.

But this seems to be a problem!!

I don't want to be dishonest (I don't hide who I am) but would also like to spend my time with someone!

Help! Lol

OP posts:

Report

Scarlettablue · 18/02/2017 17:04

I imagine many women wouldn't have a problem with your sexuality unless you want to have sex with men while you're in a relationship with them. If not, I don't see why it need be an issue or why you would have to mention it until you've got to know them better.

veryunsureabputdating · 18/02/2017 17:05

We'd been chatting a few weeks, and it came up quite accidentally lol

But no, I'm not into having sex with men lol

It's the other thing lol

OP posts:

BeyondUnderthinking · 18/02/2017 17:10

Women do exist who will be happy with a bisexual man. I was with one for about six years before I met DH.

Bluntness100 · 18/02/2017 17:10

What other thing?

Ps the constant lols are a bit disconcerting...

smilingeyes79 · 18/02/2017 17:14

I am dating a bi guy, so far so good .... its good that we are both open minded and happy to talk lots.

ImNotOkayyy · 18/02/2017 17:16

I'm a bi woman looking for a gay relationship and the women I've told have been off with me because they want a full/real lesbian. People are weird

BeyondUnderthinking · 18/02/2017 17:17

Bi people have a very bad image sterotypically, it's crap.

thecatneuterer · 18/02/2017 17:17

I've had a surprising number of bisexual partners. It's never been a problem to me. My theory is that rather than there being something about me which attracts/is attracted to bisexual men, what is happening is that men realise that they can admit it to me without problem, so they do. I strongly suspect that many women have relationships with bisexual men but never find out.

Yes, 'the other thing'? WTF is that?

So the obvious thing to do is what probably most bisexual men do, and test the water. If you feel it will be ok to tell then tell and if you don't, keep quiet.

BeyondUnderthinking · 18/02/2017 17:18

Generally I'd say your best bet is another bi person.

thecatneuterer · 18/02/2017 17:18

Oh yes, and please stop it with the lols

BeverlyGoldberg · 18/02/2017 17:19

Placemarking to find out what the"other thing" is!

Thefitfatty · 18/02/2017 17:20

So you like "foreplay" with men, or the idea of it. But you don't do anal sex with men (btw my 100% homosexual brother also avoids that when possible, so it's not the hallmark of gay).
I think the issue with bi is that some people assume you can't be happy with one sex. But that's not true. Obviously this woman wasn't for you if she couldn't understand that.

But quit the lol's you sound 13

uglyswan · 18/02/2017 17:20

So you're kind of bi, but you're not interested in relationships with other men. Nor are you into having sex with other men. What kind of bi are you? Lol.

BeyondUnderthinking · 18/02/2017 17:21

Lol!

MarianneM · 18/02/2017 17:22

Poor man is terrified now!

LOL

thecatneuterer · 18/02/2017 17:23

Is it bad that this thread is making me really lol? I did try to take it seriously but I'm now just laughing too much.

QueenMortifauxcado · 18/02/2017 17:25

If you don't like relationships or sex with men are you sure you're bi?

It's better to bring it out early. Yes you might hear some odd comments but ultimately you don't want a partner who will judge you for it. Best to find out early if it's not going to work.

veryunsureabputdating · 18/02/2017 17:27

Sorry for the lol's!

I'm still a bit teenagerish about discussing stuff like this so there is giggling as I type!

The other thing is oral sex.

OP posts:

thecatneuterer · 18/02/2017 17:28

Why the need to mention it at all Queen? If the OP isn't going to have sex, or the other thing!!! with anyone else while in a relationship with a woman, then why should it have to be declared?

As I said above, in my experience most men don't mention it unless they feel safe to do so, and why should they?

BeyondUnderthinking · 18/02/2017 17:30

I assume you mean giving rather than receiving?

I don't feel you have to mention it, i just think that it wouldn't put the "right" person off. So it's a good way to sort wheat from chaff :)

Lol :)

veryunsureabputdating · 18/02/2017 17:32

Yes, giving, obviously receiving as well, but it's more the giving side.

OP posts:

Graphista · 18/02/2017 17:32

She sounds homophobic tbh ('dirty' indeed )

I'm bi and as a pp many 'full' lesbians are anti-bi it's murder.

Also many old sites don't have bi as an option and don't let you have more than one account

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QueenMortifauxcado · 18/02/2017 17:33

Oral sex is still sex

I'm bi and I would not be at all comfortable with a person who would judge a fundamental part of who I am. You don't need to declare it but I don't see the benefit of doing so.

Thefitfatty · 18/02/2017 17:34

Oh well! I was wrong!

Are you actually physically attracted and turned on by men or do you just like things up the bum?

Thefitfatty · 18/02/2017 17:35

Not that I'm questioning the OP's definition of his sexuality! More that I think many men get confused by the fact that they enjoy anal stimulation.

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