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Why men love b****es

(43 Posts)
Baconbinge Sat 18-Feb-17 15:28:37

Just curious if anyone has read this book? I have been skimming through it recently and found it quite an eye opener. I have made many mistakes in past relationships that are talked about in this book.

Would like to know if anyone has read this and had relationships change for the better? And if what they say really works.

OneWithTheForce Sat 18-Feb-17 15:29:49

What mistakes did you make that were talked about in the book?

Baconbinge Sat 18-Feb-17 15:42:59

Just becoming a bit clingy, always making sure i was available and losing myself really. I think this is quite common when you fall in love, but i can see how it leads to problems further down the line.

Have you read the book?

Plentyoffishnets Sat 18-Feb-17 15:43:15

I have recently read this and I think you have to replace bitchy for assertive really. It makes a lot of sense: that you have to know your own boundaries and be willing to assert them in a charming way, but be willing to walk away if someone does violate those boundaries.
I have been reading it along with Mr unavailable and the fallback girl. They have both given me a lot to think about and work on as I have never really had proper boundaries and basically let guys walk all over me. It is taking some discipline on my part as in sticking to my guns I am actively not getting involved with someone I really fancy but cannot let myself get sucked into something romantically unhealthy again.
I have no idea if it will work long term but am feeling slightly more in control, basically giving up on guys who don't exhibit what I now expect from them, but I also realise as I approach 40 as a lone parent with 2 kids my options for potential partners is quite limited! But better to be waiting for something with someone good than wasting time with someone who will make you feel bad about yourself.

OneWithTheForce Sat 18-Feb-17 15:49:11

No I haven't and I certainly won't with a title like that! Nor am I silly enough to think that "men" are one homogenous mass all with the same feelings about women. I was just interested to hear what "mistakes" the author thought women were making.

Baconbinge Sat 18-Feb-17 15:51:58

I agree, i think the 'bitch' part of it is more for effect. I can relate to a lot of what is said in the book, and agree with most it. As a single woman i am very independent, and enjoy being so. For some reason getting in a relationship i become slightly needy, which i don't enjoy at all. Everything in the book makes so much sense, yet it is still so easy to make the same mistakes. I think the most important message in the book is to not lose yourself, don't lower your standards or values.

greenpeatea Sat 18-Feb-17 15:52:20

I read it. It reminded me a lot of how I used to treat guys when I was 19 before a number of bad relationships changed me completely. I changed my attitude back and shortly after met the man who is now dh.

DianaMemorialJam Sat 18-Feb-17 15:53:35

What OneWith said. That title is horrible.

Baconbinge Sat 18-Feb-17 15:53:50

Haha force you really have to take the title with a pinch of salt.

greenpeatea Sat 18-Feb-17 15:54:38

Also the title doesn't do it any favours

DianaMemorialJam Sat 18-Feb-17 15:54:45

You wear your heart on your sleeve op. I've always been the same, even with friends and family.

Destinysdaughter Sat 18-Feb-17 15:54:46

I love the dead moose analogy in it!

I think the principles are pretty sound tbh and really it's about respecting yourself, keeping your dignity and establishing good boundaries. Important if you have a tendency to be codependent.

donajimena Sat 18-Feb-17 15:56:47

Yes I read it. It definitely changed me. I couldn't be the doormat I'd been for most of my life. The title definitely sucks though.

Destinysdaughter Sat 18-Feb-17 15:57:07

BITCH=

Babe In Total Control of Herself ( think that's how she defines it!)

greenpeatea Sat 18-Feb-17 15:58:25

Yes it's about acting like you have self esteem - if even you don't respect yourself how can anyone else. And ultimately that's much more attractive and you don't end up as hurt even if it doesn't work out

Baconbinge Sat 18-Feb-17 15:58:58

Green that's interesting, you are now with DH after changing your attitude, did the book help with this?

I don't think anyone should change themselves for a man, which is exactly what this book is about., but changing your attitude and how you deal with things can make a huge positive difference. The book is actually very empowering for women.

Baconbinge Sat 18-Feb-17 16:01:56

Yes i do wear my heart on my sleeve, and i have always been a 'people pleaser'. I won't ever change the 'nice girl' part of me, but i do think sometimes (especially in relationships) i need to put myself first more. That isn't a bad quality to have, i actually think it quite attractive.

OneWithTheForce Sat 18-Feb-17 16:03:02

Haha force you really have to take the title with a pinch of salt.

Why? It's a disgustingly sexist phrase used to describe assertive behaviours that wouldn't raise an eyebrow coming from men. If the author wants women to read it, they've gone the wrong way about it. Talk about alienating your target audience. Or maybe I'm already enough of a "bitch" to not need it. hmm

donajimena Sat 18-Feb-17 16:17:01

I agree about the title being poor. Congratulations on not needing it onewith its lovely to see people with their shit together.

measles64 Sat 18-Feb-17 16:22:51

I remember that old expression "Treat `em mean keep `em keen" I am not sure if that is accurate but being your own person first and foremost rather than always bending over backwards to accommodate the wishes of another human being is not imo. good for you in the long run whatever type of relationship you are talking about.

OneWithTheForce Sat 18-Feb-17 16:25:26

Congratulations on not needing it onewith its lovely to see people with their shit together.

grin I didn't say I had my shit together! I said maybe I was enough of a "bitch" already (by objecting to women being called bitches for behaving in an assertive way) to not need it.

WannaBe Sat 18-Feb-17 16:27:50

It doesn't matter how eye-opening the book may or may not be. The title would be good enough reason to not spend money on it, so the author may have much to say but she's probably alienated a lot of people from the outset and her message will be lost (assuming it's a her,)

WannaBe Sat 18-Feb-17 16:28:46

As for taking the title with a pinch of salt, that only works if it's meant to be a lighthearted book which it clearly is not.

Baconbinge Sat 18-Feb-17 16:33:59

I agree with you measels, i don't believe in ALWAYS putting yourself first, but i also don't believe in being a doormat either. I think unless you have read the book it is hard to describe, but ultimately you should always hold yourself with a high value. Let's face it us women are brilliant, and i think we tend to forget that sometimes and let our emotions get the better of us. We all have insecurities, but we have way more qualities that we should be proud of and not lose sight of.

Baconbinge Sat 18-Feb-17 16:36:12

No the book is actually quite insightful; the title, wrongly or rightly, i think is a lot more lighthearted than what the message of the book is.

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