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Gutted, impossible situation

(13 Posts)
moomoo1967 Sat 18-Feb-17 15:20:52

I will try and explain this as simply as possible. I just want to offload, feeling gutted. My relationship with the bloke is nearly 9 years old. The majority of the time we rub along ok but have our moments like any couple. Aries/Scorpio mix so are both stubborn.
He had a friend who he went to school with, they fell out about 4-5 years ago. This friend used to say inappropriate things to me, what he wanted to do to me, I used to laugh it off but never said anything to my bloke. When they fell out I said that I had never liked him anyway, told the bloke why. He obviously wasn't't very happy and asked why I had never said anything. I didn't think he would believe me over his mate.
Fast forward to just before Xmas, he and his mate started speaking again. Then 2 weeks ago his mate moved in with him which I was not happy about, I told the bloke that I wasn''t prepared to go and stay overnight while his mate was there, he gives me the creeps.
As a result of that the bloke told his mate about my 'claims' his mate of course denied saying anything inappropriate to me.
I am now being touted as a liar, the bloke has said basically that I can lump or like him staying there( as in take it or go for good were his very words) and that it has nothing to do with me who he has as a lodger.
I feel that I cannot 'take it' as that would be the same as admitting I lied about the whole thing, when it is his mate who is lying. So I am in an impossible situation and it looks like my relationship is over.
Even worse I am helping my friends out in their restaurant tonight and the friend works there too.
I am going to chat with the restaurant owners tonight and tell them I can't help out anymore
(We don't live together as I wanted to wait until my daughter left school, we both have very small houses)
Gutted especially as there are a lot of things planned for my big birthday in March. On one hand I am angry he seems to be taking his friends word over mine, mad at myself for not telling the bloke at the time and upset.
I will be out of the house with no access to MN later

HeyYouYesYou Sat 18-Feb-17 15:22:59

I'm really sorry OP.

You can definitely do much better than the bloke. He sounds awful.

flowers

moomoo1967 Sat 18-Feb-17 15:41:05

He does have his good points but I cannot be in a relationship where I am called a liar. Of all the things it could have finished with, this has got me angry. Work is going to be rubbish tonight

WhereYouLeftIt Sat 18-Feb-17 16:36:29

"We don't live together as I wanted to wait until my daughter left school"
Look at the silver lining. Although it took 9 years for him to show how much of a dick he was, it still happened before you had become financially entwined and your home is still your home.

Tonight's shift will be uncomfortable, but you are just helping out your friends and don't work there as your job, so this one evening will be the only one, and you can explain the situation to your friends and they will hopefully be able to arrange things to minimise the contact between you a the scuzzball. Or to ensure that they, your friends, are always present so that you are never alone in scuzzball's company.

debbs77 Wed 22-Feb-17 16:25:11

You do have a choice. Walk. You deserve better x

BoccadiLupa Wed 22-Feb-17 16:28:21

If your man doesn't trust you, and believe you unconditionally, how on earth are you going to live with him, one day? Leave him. Just do it. And we promise you will look back and think you did the right thing.

lougle Wed 22-Feb-17 16:32:04

Can you not just agree to disagree? You can maintain that you won't stay at that house when he lives there. You can continue to see each other. No drama. The truth will become clear.

lougle Wed 22-Feb-17 16:35:16

"If your man doesn't trust you, and believe you unconditionally, how on earth are you going to live with him, one day?"

Well hold on, don't we tell each other not to trust unconditionally? If this man has two people he has known for some time that he cares for, telling him contradictory things, he may well be finding it hard to decide who to listen to. I don't think that says something awful about his character, necessarily.

AshesandDust Wed 22-Feb-17 18:09:20

Don't blame yourself for not telling your partner at the time it happened -
the friend would still have denied it and you're bf would still
have believed him over you.
You don't need a partner like that who isn't on your team.
At least you've found out now that he's not your friend and he wouldn't speak up for you when the chips are really down.

category12 Wed 22-Feb-17 18:20:07

You can do better.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Wed 22-Feb-17 18:25:23

Sorry but no way would I waste my time on a man who took his sleazy friends word over mine, you deserve better-on the plus side at least you discovered he was a knob before you moved in together.

Joysmum Wed 22-Feb-17 18:34:55

He knew you are uncomfortable around this man yet doesn't see you being uncomfortable as more important than his friendship.

He made the choice to end this by disregarding your feelings..that is unless you're a complete walkover. You'd not do anything to make him uncomfortable so it's no t really got he shouldn't value you in this way.

SandyY2K Wed 22-Feb-17 23:31:44

Was your relationship heading anywhere after 9 years? or was it going to be boyfriend and girlfriend for years to come.

Just seems like a long time to not even be living together.

You're probably better without him in your life, if he spoke to you like that. It shows he doesn't give a damn.

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