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Please help me, it's complicated?!

(124 Posts)
Natasha16 Sat 18-Feb-17 10:53:46

Hi,
I'm going to start from the beginning. I am recently divorced and have a child from my marriage. A few months ago, in October, I started a relationship with somebody who lives in my building of flats. He was very nice to me and my daughter. He took me to places and dinner often. He came round at least three times a week and had a bond with me and my daughter. Overall everything is going fine and we really cared for each other.

I was honest with him about my relationship from my first marriage, however there was one dark secret which I never told him. The dark secret was that there was a court case involving me and my ex-husband. The media portrayed me in bad light as I changed my statement multiple times. I just couldn't remember. The media came involved during the middle of the trial and set in the newspapers that I was and guilty and made me look like a liar. I was acquitted and found not guilty. My boyfriend found out this information from the newspapers online as it's very old. He kept it from me for two days but I could tell something was wrong. I wish I told him. He sent me a text on Saturday just gone saying he wanted to break up and he wanted nothing to do with me and he wished me all the best he said please don't contact me again. I tried calling him onceto know avail. I then messaged him saying I need to talk to him and explained he didn't respond. I send send him a short text saying if he wanted some answers as I'd be happy to explain what actually happened as there is two sides to every story. I wish him all the best and said I wouldn't contact him again.

I really miss this guy I've been in no contact with him since Saturday from sending that last message. I've joined the gym but still can't stop talking about him to my friends. My mum has offered to clear the air by sending him a simple text saying that I got acquitted and outlining that the relationship from my first marriage was very unhealthy. Then that's not me contacting him and at least he knows the truth as right now he thinks I'm a bad person. I'm upset that he didn't give me the benefit of the doubt to explain really don't know what to do?

Shall I let my mum message him this Saturday today. I'm quite keen to do this as it's my mum's message and not me I've not even read the full message. It's a very short text and she mentions at the end if he wishes to contact her and she would appreciate a response.

I do want him to know the truth about me. What do I do I want to stick with new contact?… I feel upset they broke up with me and more angry by text I don't even know what I want. I miss him please help me?

SassyPasty Sat 18-Feb-17 10:58:10

If he wanted your side of the story, he would ask for it. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you so you should respect his wishes.

KatieScarlett Sat 18-Feb-17 10:58:45

Don't do this. He has every right to end the relationship if he chooses. For whatever reason. He doesn't even need a reason.
It may be because of the bad press. It may not be.
Either way, he can end things if he wants to.
I understand you have been misrepresented, but if he is not willing to talk to you about it, bringing in your mum is not going to help.

Natasha16 Sat 18-Feb-17 10:59:28

But we had such a great few months. He should hear me out is there anything I can do I haven't contacted him at all since last Saturday

Natasha16 Sat 18-Feb-17 11:00:17

I'm so tempted to knock on his door and speak to him

KatieScarlett Sat 18-Feb-17 11:02:34

He doesn't have to hear you out. He doesn't have to do anything. He had told you it's over and has told you not to contact him.
You have to respect that.

lampshady Sat 18-Feb-17 11:03:33

Don't knock on his door, it would give him fuel for the fire. I think it's best you leave it - I know it's unpleasant having someone think untruths about you, but he's made up his mind and at this stage it's unlikely you'll persuade him otherwise.

Holly3434 Sat 18-Feb-17 11:05:22

Leave him alone, he doesn't want to be with you if he did he'd have asked you what happened when he saw this. Move on

Natasha16 Sat 18-Feb-17 11:07:22

Maybe he's scared I don't know....
All I know is that we really cared for each other

Think I'm going to ask my mum to send that message

user1483387154 Sat 18-Feb-17 11:07:38

Leave him alone. He doesn't have to hear you out, it is up to him if he wants to hear what you have to say or not. He has made it perfectly clear he does not want you contacting him again.

Natasha16 Sat 18-Feb-17 11:08:00

He's not talking to me right now so I've got nothing to lose

KatieScarlett Sat 18-Feb-17 11:08:52

Also, forcing contact or having a third party contact him after being told he does not want to speak to you again can be construed as harassment.
You do not need that added to your current situation if you are trying to counter the bad press.
Dignified silence is the way to go.

Holly3434 Sat 18-Feb-17 11:08:53

I'd take this time to evaluate how you behave in a relationship you've only been seeing him for 5 months and your child had a bond with him, you don't know anyone in that 5 months clearly not as look what he found out.

notanurse2017 Sat 18-Feb-17 11:09:22

If you or your mum contact this man it will become harassment. Leave him alone.

user1483387154 Sat 18-Feb-17 11:09:28

Change the title to " I do not want help, I want you to agree with what im going to do!"

Cricrichan Sat 18-Feb-17 11:10:09

If he doesn't think enough of you to ask you about it then he's not the man for you. Think what you'd have done ifroles were reversed - bet you would have asked him about it and tried to find out more.

FenellaMaxwellsPony Sat 18-Feb-17 11:11:57

Harassing him is not going to make him change his mind - he might have heard you out before if you had been honest with him at the start.
Leave him to it.

Natasha16 Sat 18-Feb-17 11:12:34

Stop saying harassment I replied on Saturday in a civil way and left it. 1 week. It's so hard!!

How do you all know that my mum messaging won't make a difference??

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 18-Feb-17 11:15:01

I really think you should leave him alone. He may, of his own accord, decide to hear you out, he may not.

FenellaMaxwellsPony Sat 18-Feb-17 11:15:07

You lied to him about a criminal investigation - how do you honestly think a message from your mum when he has told you not to contact him will make a difference? confused

Natasha16 Sat 18-Feb-17 11:15:47

I didn't lie advice I never mentioned it

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 18-Feb-17 11:17:15

You lied by omission then, a favourite amongst politicians but problematic nevertheless.

SteppingOnToes Sat 18-Feb-17 11:17:57

Your mum messaging him could be construed as harassment and the fact you can't see that is a bit worrying. Was the court case to do with anything similar?

FenellaMaxwellsPony Sat 18-Feb-17 11:18:41

You didn't tell him the truth. Think how you would feel if the situation were reversed.

sunshinesupermum Sat 18-Feb-17 11:19:17

Please don't make things even worse for yourself. If he wanted to know 'your side of the story' he would have asked for it. And don't involve your Mum either. How old are you?

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