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Relationship advice(4 Posts)
I'm looking for some advice about my relationship.
I have been with my partner for almost 5 years, I was 19 and he was 20 (now 24&25). We were together for a year and a half until I ended things because I found him too immature. In the months that followed he literally tried anything and everything to get me back and 5 months on after a long time to think I gave it another go. A month in when we were both 21 I fell pregnant. It was a huge shock, my parents were mad to say the least. We weren't prepared, still lived at home, our relationship wasn't strong and we were always out partying. Anyway it gave us the jolt we needed, we kept the baby and our relationship became stronger. We had a great deal of stress throughout my pregnancy due to a number of things but he was truly my rock and I fell more in love with him than ever.
3 years on from this things have changed. In terms of him being a father he is amazing and I cannot fault that side of him, he adores our son and vice versa. He goes from being amazing and more than I could ever ask for to what feels like he is on strike. He can be so mature and sensible then for whatever reasons reverts back. He will get up with our son, he will do housework all of which I appreciate. But the things that have really gotten to me and lead me to question our relationship is these things, a year ago I caught him chatting up another girl on Facebook. This devastated me. Ok nothing actually happened and nothing bad was said but I knew straight away his intentions. I was so close to leaving him, but he promised me it was a mistake, a moment of madness and he had been looking for attention as he felt our relationship wasn't in a good place. The next thing is he can be latchy with money. He went through a spell of buying things for himself rather than ensuring we had money for our bills. It left me stressed and upset. Eventually he saw what he was doing and stopped. In the evenings it seems like he is more interested in his phone and watching football on TV. He doesn't seem to want to talk to me or make conversation which really gets to me.
A little background on our life, he works 50+ hours a week Monday - Saturday and I work every Saturday and Sunday. Time as a family or together is rare and I find this hard. We have a huge mortgage, bills, a wedding which we are paying mostly for coming up, 2 cars and our son to pay for. We have much higher outgoings than anyone else our age and it's very difficult but hence why he cannot go splashing money on himself.
My question is am I being ungrateful and looking for too much, or is there a problem that needs to be addressed? Thanks.
There's definitely a problem here OP, but I think you already know that. Your situation sounds very similar to mine - DH & I were 20 when we had DS, now 26 with a mortgage, 2 cars, etc. to pay for - it's stressful, especially when your mates are more concerned about Jägerbombs!
Have you spoken to him about how you're feeling?
Are you sure you want to marry him?
I think that it's better you take time to enjoy each other, your life and your relationship rather than work so much and not be able to spend some money on fun stuff because you're saving for a wedding. Your relationship and life is more important than one day, so maybe do a small registry wedding and use the money you've saved up for the wedding to either work fewer hours or for something fun.
JuneBuggy - yes it's definitely hard and sometimes I think he wants it all. I've made pretty much all new friends who all have kids whereas he still mucks around with guys who have no responsibility at all. I do want to marry him but for the right reasons. There's no doubt in my mind I love him I just don't want to get myself and my son in a bad situation.
Cricrichan I do agree with you. My parents said the exact same before we got our house although there's a loooong story behind our house which involves his parents. When we booked the wedding we did it because I took voluntary redundancy from my last job and got a pay off. Being naive to the cost of weddings we thought we would have it covered but are now realising as everything mounts up this is not the case, although OH doesn't see it as well as me. We don't have anything booked that's out of the ordinary or over the top either so to see what the basics are costing is eye watering.
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