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My ex left me wen I was pregnant

(13 Posts)
user1486897010 Sat 18-Feb-17 07:54:52

Hi,
I wanted to post on here because I really need some advise.

I am a single mum and hav me one kid. My ex who is the dad left me wen he found out i was pregnant.

He now really wants to get back together with me but I don't knw if I can trust him or not.
He says he's rely changed and he made a big mistake befor and wants to be in my life again so we can be a proper family. I am findin it rely hard ATM being a single mum. I have a part time job as waitress and don't hav any help from my mum because we fell out and don't talk now. I really need the help of havin a partner and I think Is the best thing for dd havin his dad around. Should I get bak with him??

peppatax Sat 18-Feb-17 07:57:26

Aside from the fact that leaving you pregnant makes him a total shit - what about dating him for a while first to see if your relationship actually works?

luckylucky24 Sat 18-Feb-17 07:59:00

How long ago did he leave? Can you really just pick up and carry on?

user1486897010 Sat 18-Feb-17 08:05:35

Well dd is two so was a while ago and he didn't see dd for the first year and a bit and was jus not intrested. But now he has been seein her a bit and visits and well yeah says he wants to get back together. He did have another gf after me but they hav split up now. I am rely torn because I think wuld be the best thing for dd and I did rely like him befor he left but don't know if I can trust him. He is rely good at just saying then right thing

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Sat 18-Feb-17 08:34:26

I'd tread very carefully based on what you said about 'he's very good at saying the right thing'.
I understand you need support but if you got back together and he abandoned you again you'd be back where you were.
But if you think it could work and you want to try I would not move in together just yet but just date for a while, take it very gradually before making any commitments to be together long term.

luckylucky24 Sat 18-Feb-17 10:45:40

I wouldn't get back with him. He can support you and be a good father without being in a relationship. He left when you were pregnant and has decided two years+ later he wants you back. Do you think he still has feelings for you? Do you have feelings for him?

Cricrichan Sat 18-Feb-17 10:47:39

I wouldn't get back with him. A man who left me when pg with his child wouldn't be the type of man I'd want to be with!

Stripyhoglets Sat 18-Feb-17 11:13:28

I wouldn't. Anyone who can do what he did is not going to make a good partner to have a happy stable life with. He'll probably leave again and this time it will affect DD more as she'll know.

HecateAntaia Sat 18-Feb-17 11:22:39

to clarify - is it that he didnt bother with his child while he had another girlfriend but when they split up he started to see his child and talk about you and him getting back together?

or did he suddenly remember he was a father while still with his girlfriend?

because i would want to rule out the possibility he is only now bothering with his daughter because he wants to get his feet back under your table.

in your shoes i would be taking it VERY slow. make sure he's not one of those awful men for whom a child is only relevent when he's fucking the mother.

i would tell him he has to show what kind of father he is before you will even consider talking about taking him back. that meams seeing her regularly. paying proper child support. being part of her life.
and that's independemt of his relationship with you.

ElvishArchdruid Sat 18-Feb-17 11:25:51

User depending the circumstances when you got pregnant, he could have bolted because he was scared. I still don't think that's a valid reason to leave you, it's really shitty.

If you have feelings for him there's no harm in seeing him, but think about boundaries before hand.

JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu Sat 18-Feb-17 12:59:58

He might just be looking for sex tbh.
sorry if that sounds harsh but i wouldn't let him in the door ever again myself.
but that's just me.
he left once - he will do it again.

user1486897010 Sun 19-Feb-17 15:50:12

Thanx for ur posts!
Yhh seems like everyone says I shuldnt trust him. I think I'm jus gonna take it slow and give him a chance. He did rely seem like he has changed nd is rely sorry bout leaving me befor. He ended up coming round las nite and had wine and flowers to say sorry

scoobydoo1971 Sun 19-Feb-17 17:00:32

Personally I would want more than wine and flowers as a sorry for being dumped in pregnancy. He may have matured and reformed but do be careful. Your child will be confused if Dad moves in, and then moves out again...just take things very slowly and remind yourself that actions speak louder than words.

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