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I'm sick of it!!!!

(11 Posts)
sammyjayneex Sat 18-Feb-17 02:41:13

So my husband goes to the gym two nights a week. He goes at night as it fits in with his work and all that. Sometimes he gets back at 1:20 in the morning. I'm left to settle the youngest child who is 8 months old . My son doesn't sleep easily, he wants to be breast fed to sleep, when he wakes up he's need to be breastfed back to sleep and when I ask my husband for help he always says ' I can't do nothing he wants breastmilk' I've tried letting him cry it doesn't work. The baby wants to sleep in my bed with me being constantly breastfed, he hates his cot and screams in it. I feel so resentful that he gets to go to work and to the gym and on the occasional night out and my life is stuck at home with the kids and a baby and the most time I have to myself is doing the food shopping for half an hour. I went to the dentist the other week to have a tooth out and had to come back to a baby screaming because he wanted my breastmilk and he couldn't settle him. I'm sick of it. He says I take him for granted and I just laugh at that! I had kids thinking it would be fair but it isn't because I end up having to stay at home and can't work because I have no family help, no confidence, no self esteem and his job is shift work so can't work around him so my only option was to have a family and stay at home as that's the only thing I'm good. If anyone asks why did I Have so many kids ( I have 5) it because I never thought I was capable of anything else. I was bullied at school and my mum was very controlling and never let me go anywhere. I went to college and had to be straight home so I thought my only option was to have a family as thats all I knew. I'm struggling and he doesn't care. He's always putting me down saying I have 'issues' and if I didn't meet him I would end up in a bad way. Seems like he has a free life to do how he pleases and I'm stuck and he says I'm not a proper wife. I don't trust him because he's text random girls before and I accuse him of cheating and that's why he goes mad but it's his fault for texting woman. He says he doesn't do that anymore but the damage is done. He's now giving me the silent treatment and tomorrow he ill expect me to apologise or he will have a massive speech on how much he hates being with me and he's planning to leave and he will give me pure hell tomorrow. I accused him of cheating on me tonight that's what's pissed him off but it's because I'm insecure because of what he's done in the past and because he goes out to the gym.

emilybrontescorset Sat 18-Feb-17 08:00:25

There are lots of issues here op.
Have you considered seeing your doctor first?
One thing that stands out to me is the problem breastfeeding is having on your life. Why dont you stop breastfeeding and give formula to your baby? At least then your partner can help settle them back to sleep and take the pressure off you.
With regards to accusing your oh of cheating , why do you think he is?

Ellisandra Sat 18-Feb-17 08:12:09

Why does she think he's cheating?
Because he's been frequently texting other women, that's why.

Sammy, I saw your name on another thread and thought "haven't seen her post for a while - wonder if she's still with the arsehole husband that treats her like shit?"

Sadly, you are. Please talk to Women's Aid sad

If the only thing you feel able to do is be a mum, then at least cut that shit out of your life and get on with being a mum. When you don't have him dragging you down, you'll find other things you are good at - though with 5 kids, most of your time is going to be mothering for a while yet!

You could start a thread and get lots of advice about your baby feeding... you can go from opposites short term pain of switching to formula and controlled crying or (my preference but I'm not you!) just accepting that at 8 months old your baby is tiny and in a common age for separation and just ride it out (feed it out!).

I expect you'd find it far easier to ride it out if you didn't have your dick of a husband around making you feel shit.

pallasathena Sat 18-Feb-17 08:16:33

I'd move to formula immediately. You can't go on like this, not with five kids to look after and a husband who appears to be as much help as a chocolate tea pot.
Once you've caught up on a bit of sleep you need to see your GP because you are stressed out, seriously stressed out and there's nothing to be ashamed of by admitting that you are and accepting some help for stress and to begin, with help, to address your seriously low self esteem.
Remember, you are the primary care giver in your family. The behaviour that you accept from others is the model your children will follow and internalise. Some assertiveness training and immediately signing up to the Freedom Programme is the only way you are going to break out of this seriously damaging dynamic.
You owe it to your kids. You owe it to yourself.

ChuckSnowballs Sat 18-Feb-17 09:25:57

That is one late opening gym.

littlefrog3 Sat 18-Feb-17 09:33:39

I thought that about the gym too. Open til almost 2 in the morning???

Sounds like the OP is being taken for a mug here.

I know some men will do anything they can to not have to look after the babies/children (and some do do it,) but this is taking the piss.

Maybe the Op should piss off til 2 in the morning 2 or 3 nights a week, and leave her DH in charge of the kids? See how he f-cking likes it.

I am really sorry for you sammy, but don't know what advice to give as your DH sounds like a total bellend sorry. With 5 kids you will struggle alone, but I don't think you will be any worse off!

From everything you have said, I would be starting proceedings to leave him. You sound trapped though. Do you own or rent the house? If you own, you will be probably entitled to some equity, and if you rent, the social landlord will probably help.

i wish you well. flowers I think you need counselling and a DH who treats you better than this oik!

BitchQueen90 Sat 18-Feb-17 09:46:02

My gym is open 24 hours, quite a few are.

Saying that, you deserve better than this. He sounds like an arse. Can you start formula feeding so you can get a break?

corythatwas Sat 18-Feb-17 09:50:00

24 hour gyms not uncommon. Useless husbands sadly also not uncommon.

Holly3434 Sat 18-Feb-17 10:54:29

Forget the formula milk, the gym opening hours. He is manipulating you he gets caught out but makes it your fault, if you question him he then argues to lower your self esteem so you'll always be his plan b safe at home while he chases plan A. If I was you I'd open your eyes and 're read your post take stock and get out of there then worry about formula milk.

MumOfTwoCrazyBoys Sat 18-Feb-17 15:22:41

Lots of posters jumping straight to "give the baby formula".

Personally I think the problem here isn't the breastfeeding. OP has five children, I'm assuming she has breastfed before and is/was aware of the immense commitment this brings, but at 8 months that intensity will be starting to lift, baby will be weaning on to solids, and will start to feed less frequently.

Yes giving bottles gives the option of someone else feeding some of the time, but hubby is at the gym till all hours. So if OP is going to be doing the feeds anyway what benefit does formula bring?

Add into it that she presumably has chosen to breastfeed, and had she wanted the baby to be bottle fed she would have done so. Swapping to formula now, based on her OHs behaviour, would probably lead to feelings of regret or resentment further down the line as she would have given up b/f based on the poor behaviour of her OH, not because she felt it was the best thing for her or the baby...

So, I've gone a bit round the houses, but as I said, the breastfeeding isn't the issue. The husband and his behaviour is the issue... No?

OP, you say you have low self esteem, and the only thing you feel you are good at is being a mum. Well let me tell you, you are doing an amazing job. To have five children, the youngest a baby, still breastfeeding him at 8 months, you are smashing it. You've achieved massive things here.

And the fact that you have a baby who wants the breast for comfort, looks for it in the night, is happiest when he is in your bed, and is upset when with others (daddy at the moment) shows he has such an amazing bond and attachments with you, and this is such a positive thing for your baby's development. This stage will pass, and he will be happier with other people. My children were exactly the same, but by 11 months I was leaving my youngest with daddy twice a week while I was gone for 14 hours working shifts. A few months earlier that would have been totally unachievable... It gets easier, hang in there.

Don't jump to sacrifice the hard work you've done with the baby. Work on the real issues, the ones you have with your husband xx

Costacoffeeplease Sat 18-Feb-17 15:38:35

Are you still with that arse?

He's not going to change

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