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My sister and her situation

(3 Posts)
millionsofpeaches Fri 17-Feb-17 22:31:54

I am not at all sure why I am posting or what I hope to achieve, but I really need to get this down and out, so sorry, it will be long and rambling probably.

My sister is in a situation. She has suffered with eating disorders all her adult life, was hospitalized twice and, although she is a healthy bmi now, she has major issues with food, body image and depression. Subsequently, and despite being very bright at school, she has no qualifications and has never really had a proper job.

She had a long term partner and they were engaged. He supported her through her ED and supported her financially. But about 18 months ago she started an affair with someone she met through a hobby. She has technically ended it with her ex-partner, but still lives in the house they were renting together. I know this is pretty shitty of her, but she's my sister and I love her. Might not like her sometimes, but always love her.

Before Christmas she discovered she was pregnant. She wasn't sure what to do, but new bloke was keen even though she wasn't. She never wanted kids, thought she was most likely infertile. She has always felt she had more potential and was starting to think about doing an OU course or something like that and trying to make something of herself. So she saw the BPAS and couldn't in the end make a decision to have a termination, so although she hasn't actively made the decision to keep the baby, she is still pregnant by default. She is now about 16 weeks.

She has just texted me about a mw appointment tomorrow and she doesn't want the father there. I think he is emotionally abusive and a bit of an arsehole, although only met him briefly once. He does not know how to deal with her mental health problems as he has some of his own as well from what I can gather, and I really don't think they are good for each other. I offered to pick her up and go with her to the mw, but said she was scared of his reaction and that he would be angry if she asked me to collect her (she is at his house now).

I really just want to go round there and get her and take her to our mum's, just so she can get away for a bit, but she says she doesn't want me to, again, because of his reaction.

She says she can't have a termination, but she also doesn't want to have a child. I think the reason why she didn't go for a very early abortion, which she could have had, was that new bloke was very keen on the baby and talked about marriage etc. She was of the opinion that he would leave her if she terminated.

Writing this all down it sounds horrendous. We a naice middle class family! How did it get like this? How can she bring a child into this mess, but at 16 weeks I don't think she could have a termination now. Aaargh!! I have 2 dcs and would be quite happy to foster a niece or nephew. Not sure how dh would feel though.

I know it's not really my problem as such, but it feels like it is. WTF can I do?

Cherrysoup Fri 17-Feb-17 22:35:21

Tricky, you can't force her to go with you tomorrow, but I would try my damnedest to get her to go to the appt with you and without him tomorrow so she can think clearly about what she wants without him there.

millionsofpeaches Fri 17-Feb-17 22:39:21

She says she will talk to him I'm the morning and try and persuade him not to go. Sigh. Not a lot I can do except offer my support.

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